Wednesday, June 13, 2007

...Try, Try Again

I suck.

I failed to maintain my quit. I have a new quit date, a new prescription for Zyban (that I've been taking for about 3 weeks), and a new attitude.

I could list all the reasons why my quit didn't stick but then I'd have to deal with that whole philosophical argument in my head about whether they're reasons or excuses. I'm not in the mood for Do-It-Yourself Psychoanalysis so I won't make a list.

Here's the plan:
Take Zyban - check
Keep taking Zyban - check
Pick a quit date, July 4th - check
Figure out how to keep from gaining weight while/after quitting - check back and see if this plan works

I really do want to quit smoking. I really would love it if smoking wasn't unhealthy, stinky, expensive, and completely abhorrent to MrWurdi. I have smoking issues. I'm dealing with them.

Part of my plan involves not gaining weight when I quit. I realize that's nearly impossible but I've recommitted to my Weight Watcher plan and I've started exercising. Yes, me. Even though I've always hate-hate-hated exercise. I've decided to do the Couch to 5K running plan. I completed the 2nd workout of week one this morning and I've learned something about myself.

I still hate exercise.

I dread it. I don't like it when I'm doing it. I feel so good when I'm done but I don't just feel good that it's over. I feel proud of myself and what I'm doing for my health. I also feel good that I'm providing amusement for anyone who happens to witness me as I huff and puff my way through the workout.

I'm a giver like that.

I was waiting for it to feel good. I have been looking forward to that "runner's high" you hear about from some runners. Unfortunately, I'm afraid my running experience will be more like that of a dear friend of mine who said, "The only way I'd get runner's high is if I were, well, high."