Showing posts with label Gifts from the Internet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gifts from the Internet. Show all posts
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
In the News...
It is entirely possible that I have multiple personalities and one of them is an adolescent boy. Bathroom humor and penis jokes? Count me in!
That's your warning. If you're already feeling uncomfortable, it's probably best to stop reading now.
When politicians find themselves in the midst of a potential scandal, they have hard choices to make. Tell the truth? Aw, c'mon now. That's really the last resort, right? Claim no knowledge! Lie! Distract! Admit it but claim sex addiction!
In case you've missed it, Representative Anthony Weiner has found himself smack dab in the middle of a scandal. Rep. Weiner's Twitter followers were surprised by the picture that was sent from his account. The picture was of underwear. With a man inside. An aroused man.
Weiner claims that both his Twitter and Yfrog accounts were hacked. However, today Weiner says that he
"can't say with certitude" that it isn't a picture of him. Hmmm.
There's all kinds of reporting being done out there on this. Bloggers kept the story going when the media seemed to be uninterested. Eh. Today, liberal and conservative reporters are all asking questions. I'm not a reporter. Go to your favorite news site if you'd like to read more. This is not meant to be a news article or a commentary on politics or even a statement on liberal/conservative differences.
I like bathroom humor and penis jokes. A couple of the funniest things I've seen since this began:
Anthony Weiner to Hire Private Dick to Investigate Twitter Hacking. Dick Tracy and Shaft Likely Candidates
Can't we all just get a schlong?
"The only thing Anthony Weiner and the crotch picture had in common is that they both lean hard left." (I think this is attributable to Jon Stewart; I don't know who is responsible on the others.)
And my personal favorite:
IM IN UR PANTZ TWEETIN PITCHERS OF UR JUNK - BRITEBART KAT
My advice?
Always.
Just Say No.
That's your warning. If you're already feeling uncomfortable, it's probably best to stop reading now.
When politicians find themselves in the midst of a potential scandal, they have hard choices to make. Tell the truth? Aw, c'mon now. That's really the last resort, right? Claim no knowledge! Lie! Distract! Admit it but claim sex addiction!
In case you've missed it, Representative Anthony Weiner has found himself smack dab in the middle of a scandal. Rep. Weiner's Twitter followers were surprised by the picture that was sent from his account. The picture was of underwear. With a man inside. An aroused man.
Weiner claims that both his Twitter and Yfrog accounts were hacked. However, today Weiner says that he
"can't say with certitude" that it isn't a picture of him. Hmmm.
There's all kinds of reporting being done out there on this. Bloggers kept the story going when the media seemed to be uninterested. Eh. Today, liberal and conservative reporters are all asking questions. I'm not a reporter. Go to your favorite news site if you'd like to read more. This is not meant to be a news article or a commentary on politics or even a statement on liberal/conservative differences.
I like bathroom humor and penis jokes. A couple of the funniest things I've seen since this began:
Anthony Weiner to Hire Private Dick to Investigate Twitter Hacking. Dick Tracy and Shaft Likely Candidates
Can't we all just get a schlong?
"The only thing Anthony Weiner and the crotch picture had in common is that they both lean hard left." (I think this is attributable to Jon Stewart; I don't know who is responsible on the others.)
And my personal favorite:
IM IN UR PANTZ TWEETIN PITCHERS OF UR JUNK - BRITEBART KAT
My advice?
Always.
Just Say No.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Give Me Some Breathing Room, Okay?
Close contact with other people can be one of the greatest pleasures in life.
Close contact with other people can be one of the creepiest experiences in life.
I'm a hugger. I hug my family. I hug my friends. I am quite affectionate and, usually, I really like people.
I don't like the inappropriate hug. I don't like the person behind me in the checkout lane who gets close enough to bang my foot with their shopping cart. I don't like people who breach the my space/your space boundary at my desk. I prefer you to keep your distance at the ATM. Please, keep your child at your table when eating out. If you're going to come by my house, a courtesy call announcing your intention prior to your arrival would be most appreciated; otherwise, I will porch* you.
I recently saw a lovely graphical representation of these kinds of social blunders. I have printed several wallet-sized versions so that I will be able to quickly hand them to the guilty. For your viewing pleasure, I have added one here.
If you are one of the guilty people, stop it. If you're not sure, hug me. If you get a card, you are one of those people. If you don't get a card, hug me again.
~~~~~~~~
*porch; v. the act of stepping out of one's house and onto the porch in order to keep an unannounced visitor from entering.
Close contact with other people can be one of the creepiest experiences in life.
I'm a hugger. I hug my family. I hug my friends. I am quite affectionate and, usually, I really like people.
I don't like the inappropriate hug. I don't like the person behind me in the checkout lane who gets close enough to bang my foot with their shopping cart. I don't like people who breach the my space/your space boundary at my desk. I prefer you to keep your distance at the ATM. Please, keep your child at your table when eating out. If you're going to come by my house, a courtesy call announcing your intention prior to your arrival would be most appreciated; otherwise, I will porch* you.
I recently saw a lovely graphical representation of these kinds of social blunders. I have printed several wallet-sized versions so that I will be able to quickly hand them to the guilty. For your viewing pleasure, I have added one here.
If you are one of the guilty people, stop it. If you're not sure, hug me. If you get a card, you are one of those people. If you don't get a card, hug me again.
~~~~~~~~
*porch; v. the act of stepping out of one's house and onto the porch in order to keep an unannounced visitor from entering.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Recycle Yourself!
In the past few weeks, I’ve been talking a bit about what I’m doing to be greener. Several years ago, it wasn’t something I really worried or thought much about. I had other priorities (keeping the lights on, not killing my children, relationship drama). I depended on take-out foods and convenience everything. There weren’t enough hours in the day for everything I had to do. I was just trying to make life a little better for those living under my roof and I wasn’t that concerned about the bigger picture.
There was one thing I did do. I signed up to be an organ donor. It was just a little checkmark on my driver’s license but I also made sure I told my family that if anything happened to me, I wanted them to donate anything that could be used. I also told them to put whatever was left in a box and bury it with a headstone that read, “See? I told you I was sick.”
Don’t have the money to buy organic?
Don’t have time to cook from scratch using whole foods?
Don’t have time to separate your cans and plastics and cardboard boxes?
It’s okay. There’s still something you can do.
RECYCLE YOURSELF*
Unless your religion forbids it, why not give your body parts to people who can use them once you’re finished with them? From my recent reading, it turns out that humans don’t make for very good compost so why not put those parts in other people who can live a little longer and better because of them.
*I first saw this very cool phrase on one of my favorite blogs, Driving With the Brakes On in a post titled, "A Holiday Reminder." Her husband is an Organ Recovery Coordinator for the Donor Alliance. Driving is not only a supporter of the Recycle Yourself plan, she’s also growing her very own new human.
There was one thing I did do. I signed up to be an organ donor. It was just a little checkmark on my driver’s license but I also made sure I told my family that if anything happened to me, I wanted them to donate anything that could be used. I also told them to put whatever was left in a box and bury it with a headstone that read, “See? I told you I was sick.”
Don’t have the money to buy organic?
Don’t have time to cook from scratch using whole foods?
Don’t have time to separate your cans and plastics and cardboard boxes?
It’s okay. There’s still something you can do.
RECYCLE YOURSELF*
Unless your religion forbids it, why not give your body parts to people who can use them once you’re finished with them? From my recent reading, it turns out that humans don’t make for very good compost so why not put those parts in other people who can live a little longer and better because of them.
*I first saw this very cool phrase on one of my favorite blogs, Driving With the Brakes On in a post titled, "A Holiday Reminder." Her husband is an Organ Recovery Coordinator for the Donor Alliance. Driving is not only a supporter of the Recycle Yourself plan, she’s also growing her very own new human.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Oh! Oh! Oh! I'm Having an Organic Moment!
In February, I posted about how It Ain't Easy Bein' Green. I mentioned that I’m buying some organic foods. These posts on being greener are my way of examining, out loud (out blog?), my actions and potential actions. Just writing that I was working on turning off the water while I brush my teeth made a difference. By acknowledging it, my attention became focused on it. I turn off the water now. As in all things, though, I think there has to be balance or there’s a danger of becoming fanatical. Here’s a bit of my balance.
It’s mostly haphazard, this buying of organic foods. I’m spoiled, you see. I’m spoiled by lower prices and prettier produce. Organics cost more. For far too many years, I’ve had to be frugal. I don’t know about you but I haven’t seen many generic organics. Spending more because it’s “better for me” seems kind of vague and hard to defend at times. Then we get to the arguments for and against organics.
There’s the whole “what makes it organic?” argument. There are reports and studies that show that some of the stuff that’s being touted as organic isn’t really organic after all. Then, you get all the conflicting reports about which foods are worth buying organic. Today’s general rule of thumb is that those foods with thick peels we remove, such as bananas and oranges, aren’t worth the cost of buying organic because any of the residual pesticides and chemicals won’t be in the actual fruit. Peaches, apples, and strawberries are a completely different story. The thin skin on these fruits make them worth buying organic. Some fruits and vegetables don’t, for whatever reason, absorb the chemicals. The Wall Street Journal has a pretty good article on “When Buying Organic Makes Sense -- and When It Doesn't”.
Okay. This is embarrassing. I have another problem. It’s part of that being spoiled thing; i.e., prettier produce. Because they’re not sprayed with pesticides and other chemicals, the organic fruits and vegetables have blemishes and spots and potential cooties. I have this nurturing thing going on. In fact, if I were a superhero, my tagline would have to be “Surprisingly Domestic!” I carefully choose the food I buy. Each piece of fruit or bunch of vegetables is carefully scrutinized. No bruises or dents for my loved ones! Cans aren’t dented. Meat is lean. The dairy has the furthest possible expiration date. (This obsessive attitude toward food is probably part of why I need Weight Watchers.) Honestly? A lot of that organic food looks kind of oogy. I should get over that but a lifetime of habit is hard to overcome.
Still, if I pick up something, intending to purchase it, and find out it’s organic, it really does make me feel better about it. I’ve been doing quite a bit of reading about organic meats and dairy (or at least recombinant bovine growth hormone, or rBGH free) and I think that’s going to be the next change in the Wurdibitsch House. rBGH is given to most cows to boost milk production and may cause higher rates of breast, prostate and colon cancer. That doesn’t sound like good stuff.
For my balancing act this month, I’m going to be looking a little closer at the organic fruits and veggies. I don’t know that we’re making the change but I’m considering it. I will be buying the rBGH-free milk and when the freezer full of FoodSavered meat is running low, I’m heading to the specialty butcher. Hold me. I’m frightened.
National Geographic has a quiz on Getting To Know Your Inner Organic Foodie. I liked this quiz because it has good explanations behind the answers. Unfortunately, you don’t get a score. I’m a competitive person. I like scores. I had to go to FreeRice.com and rack up some free rice donations (and scores) to get my competition fix.
In the interest of more balance, I discovered some very funny movies to balance out all the organic/hormone/chemical/cootie talk:
The Meatrix!
Be sure to see Meatrix 2: Revolting and Meatrix 2 ½. Leo, Moopheus and their pals explore the meat industry.
After you get done there, head over to Grocery Store Wars and check out Cuke Skywalker and friends as they battle against Darth Tater.
It’s mostly haphazard, this buying of organic foods. I’m spoiled, you see. I’m spoiled by lower prices and prettier produce. Organics cost more. For far too many years, I’ve had to be frugal. I don’t know about you but I haven’t seen many generic organics. Spending more because it’s “better for me” seems kind of vague and hard to defend at times. Then we get to the arguments for and against organics.
There’s the whole “what makes it organic?” argument. There are reports and studies that show that some of the stuff that’s being touted as organic isn’t really organic after all. Then, you get all the conflicting reports about which foods are worth buying organic. Today’s general rule of thumb is that those foods with thick peels we remove, such as bananas and oranges, aren’t worth the cost of buying organic because any of the residual pesticides and chemicals won’t be in the actual fruit. Peaches, apples, and strawberries are a completely different story. The thin skin on these fruits make them worth buying organic. Some fruits and vegetables don’t, for whatever reason, absorb the chemicals. The Wall Street Journal has a pretty good article on “When Buying Organic Makes Sense -- and When It Doesn't”.
Okay. This is embarrassing. I have another problem. It’s part of that being spoiled thing; i.e., prettier produce. Because they’re not sprayed with pesticides and other chemicals, the organic fruits and vegetables have blemishes and spots and potential cooties. I have this nurturing thing going on. In fact, if I were a superhero, my tagline would have to be “Surprisingly Domestic!” I carefully choose the food I buy. Each piece of fruit or bunch of vegetables is carefully scrutinized. No bruises or dents for my loved ones! Cans aren’t dented. Meat is lean. The dairy has the furthest possible expiration date. (This obsessive attitude toward food is probably part of why I need Weight Watchers.) Honestly? A lot of that organic food looks kind of oogy. I should get over that but a lifetime of habit is hard to overcome.
Still, if I pick up something, intending to purchase it, and find out it’s organic, it really does make me feel better about it. I’ve been doing quite a bit of reading about organic meats and dairy (or at least recombinant bovine growth hormone, or rBGH free) and I think that’s going to be the next change in the Wurdibitsch House. rBGH is given to most cows to boost milk production and may cause higher rates of breast, prostate and colon cancer. That doesn’t sound like good stuff.
For my balancing act this month, I’m going to be looking a little closer at the organic fruits and veggies. I don’t know that we’re making the change but I’m considering it. I will be buying the rBGH-free milk and when the freezer full of FoodSavered meat is running low, I’m heading to the specialty butcher. Hold me. I’m frightened.
National Geographic has a quiz on Getting To Know Your Inner Organic Foodie. I liked this quiz because it has good explanations behind the answers. Unfortunately, you don’t get a score. I’m a competitive person. I like scores. I had to go to FreeRice.com and rack up some free rice donations (and scores) to get my competition fix.
In the interest of more balance, I discovered some very funny movies to balance out all the organic/hormone/chemical/cootie talk:
The Meatrix!
Be sure to see Meatrix 2: Revolting and Meatrix 2 ½. Leo, Moopheus and their pals explore the meat industry.
After you get done there, head over to Grocery Store Wars and check out Cuke Skywalker and friends as they battle against Darth Tater.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Sinners Inc.
Meme.
One of The Urban Dictionary's definitions is:
That works for this.
I saw this out there in the blogosphere today and thought it was different and random enough to be at least a little bit interesting. Besides, it was either this or a conversation I had with my ex-husband about scrambled eggs. I think you might be better off with this meme.
MEME Rules:
1. Put your MP3 player on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what. No cheating!
IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY?” YOU SAY?
What's Simple Is True - Jewel
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Sex-O-Matic Venus Freak - Macy Gray (OMG! I nearly wet my pants when I saw this!)
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Halo - Soil (um, based on the previous answer, I guess opposites attract??)
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Get Gone - Fiona Apple
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Sucker Train Blues - Velvet Revolver (yikes. That's depressing.)
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
If It Makes You Happy - Sheryl Crow (too freakin' cool; so true)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Goody Two Shoes - Adam Ant (hahaha!! I doubt that!)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Embrace - Korn
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
TNT - AC/DC
WHAT IS 2+2?
LoveStoned / I Think She Knows Interlude - Justin Timberlake
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
It's Been Awhile - Stained
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Beg For Me - Korn (oh, my!)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Forgive Me - Godsmack
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Dream a Little Dream of Me - The Mamas and the Papas (um, what if I'm already ~mostly~ grown up?)
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Control - Poe
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Crime For Crime - Ani DiFranco
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Time - Pink Floyd
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
When Worlds Collide - Powerman 5000
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
They Can't Take That Away From Me - Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Tiny Daggers - INXS
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Open Your Eyes - Staind
WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Sinners Inc. - Rob Zombie
Some of these were just weird and some of these were so right they were really weird. Anyone else want to play?
Oh, and I'm thinking I have some really diverse musical interests.
One of The Urban Dictionary's definitions is:
an internet information generator, especially of random or contentless information
That works for this.
I saw this out there in the blogosphere today and thought it was different and random enough to be at least a little bit interesting. Besides, it was either this or a conversation I had with my ex-husband about scrambled eggs. I think you might be better off with this meme.
MEME Rules:
1. Put your MP3 player on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what. No cheating!
IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY?” YOU SAY?
What's Simple Is True - Jewel
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Sex-O-Matic Venus Freak - Macy Gray (OMG! I nearly wet my pants when I saw this!)
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Halo - Soil (um, based on the previous answer, I guess opposites attract??)
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Get Gone - Fiona Apple
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Sucker Train Blues - Velvet Revolver (yikes. That's depressing.)
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
If It Makes You Happy - Sheryl Crow (too freakin' cool; so true)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Goody Two Shoes - Adam Ant (hahaha!! I doubt that!)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Embrace - Korn
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
TNT - AC/DC
WHAT IS 2+2?
LoveStoned / I Think She Knows Interlude - Justin Timberlake
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
It's Been Awhile - Stained
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Beg For Me - Korn (oh, my!)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Forgive Me - Godsmack
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Dream a Little Dream of Me - The Mamas and the Papas (um, what if I'm already ~mostly~ grown up?)
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Control - Poe
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Crime For Crime - Ani DiFranco
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Time - Pink Floyd
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
When Worlds Collide - Powerman 5000
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
They Can't Take That Away From Me - Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Tiny Daggers - INXS
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Open Your Eyes - Staind
WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Sinners Inc. - Rob Zombie
Some of these were just weird and some of these were so right they were really weird. Anyone else want to play?
Oh, and I'm thinking I have some really diverse musical interests.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Behold, the Power of Cheese!
The following cartoon is from the archives of one of my favorite places to visit on the Internet when I need a good chuckle. I hope you enjoy it.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
NaBloPoMo
This is my first post in nearly a week so I'm having a hard time believing I'm doing this but...
I'm participating in National Blog Posting Month (aka NaBloPoMo). This is how it works. You have to post every day for the entire month of November. Every day. Weekends, too.
I'm already a little concerned. I don't know if I'll have internet access next Saturday but I'm trying to work out that whole telekinesis thing. Other than that, you'll be able to read new meaningless drivel every single day! Aren't you excited? I know I am.
We'll continue with 55 Fiction Friday and I'm sure there'll be a haiku or two. Some folks come up with a theme for the month. I'm currently undecided. Lydia from Nothing Rhymes with Lydia, Well Except That... is doing NaBloPoMo and has a great daily plan. Go check her out and leave a comment!
I'm participating in National Blog Posting Month (aka NaBloPoMo). This is how it works. You have to post every day for the entire month of November. Every day. Weekends, too.
I'm already a little concerned. I don't know if I'll have internet access next Saturday but I'm trying to work out that whole telekinesis thing. Other than that, you'll be able to read new meaningless drivel every single day! Aren't you excited? I know I am.
We'll continue with 55 Fiction Friday and I'm sure there'll be a haiku or two. Some folks come up with a theme for the month. I'm currently undecided. Lydia from Nothing Rhymes with Lydia, Well Except That... is doing NaBloPoMo and has a great daily plan. Go check her out and leave a comment!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
More Gifts From The Internet
I'm sure my local friends are going to make comments to the How To post soon. I'm sure of it. Really. I have local friends. Not just internet friends. I do. Really. And they're not imaginary or invisible.
Where is my tinfoil hat??
Where is my tinfoil hat??
In the meantime, a favorite of bloggers around the world...a few of the Google searches that lead to The Wordy Bitch.
(gmilf or ggmilf) submission - Erm. I think we did the first part of this already but the submission part is new. Either some twisted mind out there wants to lick some granny boots or someone wants to spank the elderly. Now that's kinky.
poem about boobs -
A literary boob afficianado!
How it makes me smile
Come and read my blog a bit
I'm sure it will make you smile
Boobs are mentioned frequently
But most often in September
Please put it on your calendar
In case you don't remember.
paddle faster (i hear banjo music) t-shirt - Deliverance. Squealing. Fear. I'm not even a guy and that's scary. I did see this t-shirt and blogged about it in a post by this name.
get it bitch in Spanish - Well, isn't that rude?
zyban heartache - The love of my life, MrWurdi, despises smoking. DESPISES it, I tell you. Because it worked once before, I tried Zyban to help me quit again. It didn't work this time. Zyban heartache, indeed.
may you have an interesting life - I do! I also posted about this a few months ago. My Interesting Life post explains the phrase and also includes the start of my Zyban heartache.
irritate people - I would love to talk to this person. Do they want to know how? I could completely do a "how to irritate people" post by using examples from those who have irritated me. I think, though, that Google might not like me. I mean, gee, someone types "irritate people" and Wordy Bitch comes up? I admit, this made me curious so I went and Googled the phrase. The Wordy Bitch shows up on PAGE TEN. This person is doing some in-depth research. I'm impressed. And frightened.
a poem of haiku -
Technically so:
A haiku is a poem
Three lines? Rhyming's hard.
For you, I found time
With my words and syllables
This haiku does rhyme.
(Haikus are three lines long with lines formed as follows: 5 syllables/7 syllables/5 syllables)
(gmilf or ggmilf) submission - Erm. I think we did the first part of this already but the submission part is new. Either some twisted mind out there wants to lick some granny boots or someone wants to spank the elderly. Now that's kinky.
poem about boobs -
A literary boob afficianado!
How it makes me smile
Come and read my blog a bit
I'm sure it will make you smile
Boobs are mentioned frequently
But most often in September
Please put it on your calendar
In case you don't remember.
paddle faster (i hear banjo music) t-shirt - Deliverance. Squealing. Fear. I'm not even a guy and that's scary. I did see this t-shirt and blogged about it in a post by this name.
get it bitch in Spanish - Well, isn't that rude?
zyban heartache - The love of my life, MrWurdi, despises smoking. DESPISES it, I tell you. Because it worked once before, I tried Zyban to help me quit again. It didn't work this time. Zyban heartache, indeed.
may you have an interesting life - I do! I also posted about this a few months ago. My Interesting Life post explains the phrase and also includes the start of my Zyban heartache.
irritate people - I would love to talk to this person. Do they want to know how? I could completely do a "how to irritate people" post by using examples from those who have irritated me. I think, though, that Google might not like me. I mean, gee, someone types "irritate people" and Wordy Bitch comes up? I admit, this made me curious so I went and Googled the phrase. The Wordy Bitch shows up on PAGE TEN. This person is doing some in-depth research. I'm impressed. And frightened.
a poem of haiku -
Technically so:
A haiku is a poem
Three lines? Rhyming's hard.
For you, I found time
With my words and syllables
This haiku does rhyme.
(Haikus are three lines long with lines formed as follows: 5 syllables/7 syllables/5 syllables)
Saturday, October 20, 2007
HOW TO: Post a Comment
Several local folks have mentioned that they'd like to leave a comment but aren't sure how. I'm going to tell you! Now, there's no excuse.
STEP ONE
Click on the comment link at the bottom of the post.
You'll see a page that looks like this:
STEP TWO
Type in your comment. Then (BONUS TIP!), highlight all of your comment and press CTRL & C at the same time. This will copy your comment to your computer's clipboard. If something goes wrong with your post attempt, you won't have to re-type your comment!
STEP THREE
Go to the Choose an Identity portion of the comment area.
Option 1: If you have a Google or Blogger account, you can leave it on the default setting:
Then, type in your user name and password and it will automatically link to your blog when you post your comment.
Option 2: If you blog somewhere else or have a MySpace account or a webpage, you can select "Other" for your identity.
Then, type in the name you wish to use and the web address for your site.
You can also use this option if you don't have a webpage but wish to post under your name (instead of anonymously). Just type your name and don't put anything under the web address field.
Option 3: You can enter your comment anonymously. Just enter your comment and click that button.
STEP FOUR:
Click the orange button that says, "Publish Your Comment."
That's it. It's that easy.
Now, test my instructions! Leave a comment. Please? You can do-o-o-o-o it!
STEP ONE
Click on the comment link at the bottom of the post.
You'll see a page that looks like this:
STEP TWO
Type in your comment. Then (BONUS TIP!), highlight all of your comment and press CTRL & C at the same time. This will copy your comment to your computer's clipboard. If something goes wrong with your post attempt, you won't have to re-type your comment!
STEP THREE
Go to the Choose an Identity portion of the comment area.
Option 1: If you have a Google or Blogger account, you can leave it on the default setting:
Then, type in your user name and password and it will automatically link to your blog when you post your comment.
Option 2: If you blog somewhere else or have a MySpace account or a webpage, you can select "Other" for your identity.
Then, type in the name you wish to use and the web address for your site.
You can also use this option if you don't have a webpage but wish to post under your name (instead of anonymously). Just type your name and don't put anything under the web address field.
Option 3: You can enter your comment anonymously. Just enter your comment and click that button.
STEP FOUR:
Click the orange button that says, "Publish Your Comment."
That's it. It's that easy.
Now, test my instructions! Leave a comment. Please? You can do-o-o-o-o it!
I've Been Tagged
I've been tagged. Being tagged is when someone does a little question/answer type thing and then has other bloggers do it, too. The topic is "5 things that I do, did or like that I’m proud of, but that others may think are totally lame. Plus, I get to tag 5 people to do the same."
Phishez at Sanity Optional tagged me and I like her so here are my responses.
Lame? Probably. This is very much like a chain letter kind of thing and I normally find them rather lame, too, but I did kind of like this one. So, now I have to tag five people to do this. I choose MrsStevens, Katia, SGT, Marcia and Danielle, the Hor Blogger.
Phishez at Sanity Optional tagged me and I like her so here are my responses.
- I've modified a bunch of recipes so they're Core. Core is a Weight Watchers plan where you eat healthy, non-processed foods.
- I have become a huge fan of Stargate SG-1 and watch old episodes a lot.
- My taste in music is really diverse. I like something from just about every genre.
- I love monkeys and collect things with monkeys on them.
- I really do believe the best of everyone until the prove me wrong. Repeatedly.
Lame? Probably. This is very much like a chain letter kind of thing and I normally find them rather lame, too, but I did kind of like this one. So, now I have to tag five people to do this. I choose MrsStevens, Katia, SGT, Marcia and Danielle, the Hor Blogger.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Why I Write Poems...
I've always had a knack for rhyming poetry. I enjoy it and, I'm told, I'm pretty good at putting something cute together. I get requests for invitations and homemade cards and the like. I fully credit my early reading experiences for this ability.
When I was a kid, my dad was in the military and we lived in places where television stations were not only limited but frequently in a different language. My mother subscribed to a service that sent books to our house. Dr. Seuss was a huge favorite. She'd read the book to us once or twice and then I'd read the story over and over to my brother. Because of Mom and Dr. Seuss, I learned to read when I was four. I've also carried the nickname "Cindy Lou Who" because of my love of the Grinch and fondness for Whoville types. In addition to the rhyming, I think my outlook on life has also been greatly influenced by the work of the good Mr. Geisel, the creator of Dr. Seuss.
In "Two Words. No Explanation." one of my favorite bloggers, Driving With The Brakes On, gave the answer, "Dr. Seuss," for the favorite book line. It reminded me that I'd written a poem about my Seussiousness a while back. I went hunting, found it, and am posting it now for your amusement and/or ridicule.
Dr. Seuss
I have loved Dr. Seuss from the moment I met him.
His books were the greatest when my mother read 'em.
She'd go to the mailbox and there she would find
The best books ever written -- the Dr. Seuss kind!
I learned how to read them when I was just four
I'd read them three times, then I'd read them some more.
His rhymes they were lively and filled with excitement.
I'd read to my brother; his eyes filled with delightment!
Seuss made up new words when the regular failed.
His fantastic new creatures were richly detailed.
Far away places with strange sounding names,
Star-bellied sneetches playing odd, sneetchy games.
He introduced fear with a Christmas-time terror.
The Grinch was a mean one, not a glad tidings bearer.
He struck fear in the hearts of the happy Who people.
From the houses on main street to the church's tall steeple.
But a moral could always be found in his tales.
Even when the suspense had you biting your nails.
He taught of acceptance and laughter and knowing.
Of hearts that were tiny but soon began growing.
He told us that all is not all that it seems
That even the mean ones have hopes and dreams.
The lessons I learned from the good Dr. Seuss
Have helped me to put my own thoughts to good use.
I look for the best in all the folks that I meet
I'm an eternal optimist with wings on my feet.
I believe that all people: mean, nice, young or old
Might just end up having a heart made of gold.
The unfortunate fate that I suffer's quite clear, though
I put strange words together in an odd kind of lingo
I find that rhyming has become a therapy of sorts
And throw poems together by the seat of my shorts!
When I was a kid, my dad was in the military and we lived in places where television stations were not only limited but frequently in a different language. My mother subscribed to a service that sent books to our house. Dr. Seuss was a huge favorite. She'd read the book to us once or twice and then I'd read the story over and over to my brother. Because of Mom and Dr. Seuss, I learned to read when I was four. I've also carried the nickname "Cindy Lou Who" because of my love of the Grinch and fondness for Whoville types. In addition to the rhyming, I think my outlook on life has also been greatly influenced by the work of the good Mr. Geisel, the creator of Dr. Seuss.
In "Two Words. No Explanation." one of my favorite bloggers, Driving With The Brakes On, gave the answer, "Dr. Seuss," for the favorite book line. It reminded me that I'd written a poem about my Seussiousness a while back. I went hunting, found it, and am posting it now for your amusement and/or ridicule.
Dr. Seuss
I have loved Dr. Seuss from the moment I met him.
His books were the greatest when my mother read 'em.
She'd go to the mailbox and there she would find
The best books ever written -- the Dr. Seuss kind!
I learned how to read them when I was just four
I'd read them three times, then I'd read them some more.
His rhymes they were lively and filled with excitement.
I'd read to my brother; his eyes filled with delightment!
Seuss made up new words when the regular failed.
His fantastic new creatures were richly detailed.
Far away places with strange sounding names,
Star-bellied sneetches playing odd, sneetchy games.
He introduced fear with a Christmas-time terror.
The Grinch was a mean one, not a glad tidings bearer.
He struck fear in the hearts of the happy Who people.
From the houses on main street to the church's tall steeple.
But a moral could always be found in his tales.
Even when the suspense had you biting your nails.
He taught of acceptance and laughter and knowing.
Of hearts that were tiny but soon began growing.
He told us that all is not all that it seems
That even the mean ones have hopes and dreams.
The lessons I learned from the good Dr. Seuss
Have helped me to put my own thoughts to good use.
I look for the best in all the folks that I meet
I'm an eternal optimist with wings on my feet.
I believe that all people: mean, nice, young or old
Might just end up having a heart made of gold.
The unfortunate fate that I suffer's quite clear, though
I put strange words together in an odd kind of lingo
I find that rhyming has become a therapy of sorts
And throw poems together by the seat of my shorts!
Monday, October 15, 2007
Two Words. No explanation.
A new reader of The Wordy Bitch, Effortlessly Average, did this recently at his site and although he deemed it insipid, I kind of liked it. Please feel free to add your series of two words in the comments.
Two words. No explanations.
1. Yourself: Definitely different,
2. Your significant other: Evolved, sexy
3. Your hair: long, blonde
4. Your mother: devout, loving
5. Your father: inspiration, warning
6. Your favorite item: black jacket
7. Your dream last night: weird, random
8. Your favorite drink: Diet Dew
9. Your dream car: Black Corvette
10. The room you are in: Noisy office
11. Your ex: Redneck; Liar
12. Your fear: limited time
13. What you want to be in 10 years: happily retired
14. Who you hung out with last night: Mister Wurdi
15. What you're not: mean, dishonest
16. Muffins: tight pants
17. One of your wish list items: winning lottery
18. Time: not enough
19. The last thing you did: typed answer
20. What you are wearing: killer shoes
21. Your favorite weather: sunny, warm
22. Your favorite book: Erica Jong
23. The last thing you ate: raw carrots
24. Your life: full, happy
25. Your mood: content, hopeful
26. Your best friend: Mister Wurdi
27. What you're thinking about right now: going home
28. Your car: black Corvette
29. What you are doing at the moment: blogging, thinking
30. Your summer: hot, humid
31. Your relationship status: best ever
32. What is on your TV: forensics show
33. What is the weather like: sunny, cool
34. When was the last time you laughed: one hour
35. Your mood: already stated
Two words. No explanations.
1. Yourself: Definitely different,
2. Your significant other: Evolved, sexy
3. Your hair: long, blonde
4. Your mother: devout, loving
5. Your father: inspiration, warning
6. Your favorite item: black jacket
7. Your dream last night: weird, random
8. Your favorite drink: Diet Dew
9. Your dream car: Black Corvette
10. The room you are in: Noisy office
11. Your ex: Redneck; Liar
12. Your fear: limited time
13. What you want to be in 10 years: happily retired
14. Who you hung out with last night: Mister Wurdi
15. What you're not: mean, dishonest
16. Muffins: tight pants
17. One of your wish list items: winning lottery
18. Time: not enough
19. The last thing you did: typed answer
20. What you are wearing: killer shoes
21. Your favorite weather: sunny, warm
22. Your favorite book: Erica Jong
23. The last thing you ate: raw carrots
24. Your life: full, happy
25. Your mood: content, hopeful
26. Your best friend: Mister Wurdi
27. What you're thinking about right now: going home
28. Your car: black Corvette
29. What you are doing at the moment: blogging, thinking
30. Your summer: hot, humid
31. Your relationship status: best ever
32. What is on your TV: forensics show
33. What is the weather like: sunny, cool
34. When was the last time you laughed: one hour
35. Your mood: already stated
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Gifts From the Internet
I really am sincere about posting every day this week. Today was more difficult and I apologize if you've come here and been greeted with stale content.
There are so many gifts we get from the internet, internets, interweb, whatever: Google searches, SPAM, new blog friends, odd news stories, cool sites, etc.
I'd like to share with you a few of the Gifts from the Internet that I've received lately. First, a standard among bloggers - Google searches that lead to my blog:
GMILF - Dude. That's kind of sick. While I am a grandmother and I'm not exactly chopped liver the whole idea of a GMILF is kind of skeevy. Ew. I know, I know, I shouldn't be judgmental. After all, MrWurdi is a granddad and I'm not skeeved about him (STOP READING NOW, MrsStevens). In fact, I think MrWurdi is pretty damned hot. Really hot. He's way sexy.(YOU CAN READ AGAIN NOW, MrsStevens)
May You Have An Interesting Life - I did a blog post on that in January. Mostly, I was whining but I thought it had a good ending. Apparently, many people read something that made them Google that phrase. Hi, Interesting Life Seekers! Shit happens! It's okay. Good stuff happens, too. Don't dwell on the bad stuff.
Snuggle and Pain in the Ass Bitch Yeah? What? I can't be snuggly and bitchy? This one cracked me up. Apparently, the Google searcher was a complete and total masochist.
SPAM - Who the fuck is James Foster and why are people trying to send him email at my accounts?
Finally, one of my favorite gifts from the internet is finding people who inspire me and entertain me. I want to share these people with you. Eventually, I'll get around to updating my blog roll but, for now, let me just tell you about them.
Lindystars aka Danielle the Hor Blogger - You've heard me bitch about typos, words spelled incorrectly and horrific grammar. Lindy/Danielle, I don't care. I love your blog.
SGTRedline - I love your eclectic posting style. I never know what I'm going to see on your site and I absolutely love that. You play along with my 55 Fiction Friday and always inspire me to impress you. However, I must admit. I am an attention whore. The fact that you blogrolled me and called me "Linguistically Gifted" has garnered my undying blog devotion.
Finally, SanityOptional - I don't remember how I found you. Heck, you're not even here in the U.S. but I love your blog and I love the way you think. I hate that you have webdrama that makes you moderate your comments and I hope you get that job. Please, please, keep writing. You rock.
There are so many gifts we get from the internet, internets, interweb, whatever: Google searches, SPAM, new blog friends, odd news stories, cool sites, etc.
I'd like to share with you a few of the Gifts from the Internet that I've received lately. First, a standard among bloggers - Google searches that lead to my blog:
GMILF - Dude. That's kind of sick. While I am a grandmother and I'm not exactly chopped liver the whole idea of a GMILF is kind of skeevy. Ew. I know, I know, I shouldn't be judgmental. After all, MrWurdi is a granddad and I'm not skeeved about him (STOP READING NOW, MrsStevens). In fact, I think MrWurdi is pretty damned hot. Really hot. He's way sexy.(YOU CAN READ AGAIN NOW, MrsStevens)
May You Have An Interesting Life - I did a blog post on that in January. Mostly, I was whining but I thought it had a good ending. Apparently, many people read something that made them Google that phrase. Hi, Interesting Life Seekers! Shit happens! It's okay. Good stuff happens, too. Don't dwell on the bad stuff.
Snuggle and Pain in the Ass Bitch Yeah? What? I can't be snuggly and bitchy? This one cracked me up. Apparently, the Google searcher was a complete and total masochist.
SPAM - Who the fuck is James Foster and why are people trying to send him email at my accounts?
Finally, one of my favorite gifts from the internet is finding people who inspire me and entertain me. I want to share these people with you. Eventually, I'll get around to updating my blog roll but, for now, let me just tell you about them.
Lindystars aka Danielle the Hor Blogger - You've heard me bitch about typos, words spelled incorrectly and horrific grammar. Lindy/Danielle, I don't care. I love your blog.
SGTRedline - I love your eclectic posting style. I never know what I'm going to see on your site and I absolutely love that. You play along with my 55 Fiction Friday and always inspire me to impress you. However, I must admit. I am an attention whore. The fact that you blogrolled me and called me "Linguistically Gifted" has garnered my undying blog devotion.
Finally, SanityOptional - I don't remember how I found you. Heck, you're not even here in the U.S. but I love your blog and I love the way you think. I hate that you have webdrama that makes you moderate your comments and I hope you get that job. Please, please, keep writing. You rock.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
I Have a Confession To Make
I have a completely raging blog-on for a certain fellow. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m quite happy with MrWurdi and the object of my blog desire appears to be very happily married to a wonderful woman. It’s not like that. It’s just that my creative bone gets more than a little firm when I read his posts.
His name is Johnny Virgil and he posts at 15 Minute Lunch.
What does he post about, you ask? Why, everything! He posts about neighbors, coworkers, friends, random drivers, and his brothers, The Snitch and Houdini. He posts about travel and food and almost killing people. It’s okay, the almost killing people stuff happened before he could be charged as an adult. I feel a little awkward telling you this (since I’m such a delicate and innocent gal) but he posts a lot about testicles. Retraction and removal of them seem to be hot topics but he certainly doesn’t limit himself.
I’ve, with permission, brought a little bit of Johnny to my blog. The following are snippets of his posts over time:
JV on Fellow Airline Passengers:
The BO hits me in the face like a Stinky Iron Fist. This was not just ordinary BO. This was, I am pretty sure, an actual sentient creature, separate from him, but in some sort of symbiotic relationship with his armpits. I base my sentience theory on the speed and accuracy with which it moved. The second he took off his coat, it immediately jumped off him, quickly surrounded my olfactory senses, and beat them into submission with an efficiency and purpose I’ve never seen in lower animals.
JV on Random People in the Office Bathroom:
He was diligently checking out his bare ass in the mirror, of course. What else would someone be doing in a bathroom at 6:45 in the morning?
JV on Dogs:
Me: Yeah, this was a husky/shepherd mix. cute little puppy. We named him Veal because he was in the cage all the time.
JV on Guppies:
"MOM! MOM! Come here! HURRY! THE MOTHER GUPPY IS HAVING BABIES! THERE'S HUNDREDS OF THEM! MOM! HURRY! OH CRIPES! OH, CRIPES THE FATHER GUPPY IS EATING THEM! THE FATHER GUPPY IS EATING THEM! NOW THE OTHER FISH ARE EATING THEM TOO! GET THE NET! OH JEEZ, NOW THE MOTHER IS EATING SOME! MAKE THEM STOP! MAKE THEM STOP! "
JV on Guppies + Electricity:
Every single one of my guppies instantly flipped over and floated to the top like cheerios in a bowl full of milk.
JV on Sky Diving:
Right at 5,000 feet, I grab the ripcord and yank it. About two seconds later, the chute pops, and my crotch goes from 120mph to 10mph in the space of a second. My shoulders get yanked backwards, and there’s something in my throat that I think I used to piss with.
JV on Fast Food:
"Yes, I would like the seizure with chicken fangers please. And a bottled water."
Okay, I didn't ask specifically about lifting a picture from his blog but I wanted you to see how he provides visuals to enhance his stories.
See what I mean? The fellow is hysterical. Treat yourself to the archives. As the king in Alice in Wonderland said, `Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop.'
A few words of warning: Go pee before you start reading. Seriously. I’ll explain about the Peequation* later.
After you’ve read all there is to read (and maybe even before then) go vote for Johnny at Blog Interviewer. He might win something!
*Idea shamelessly stolen from Johnny Virgil and to be modified to fit me at a later date.
His name is Johnny Virgil and he posts at 15 Minute Lunch.
What does he post about, you ask? Why, everything! He posts about neighbors, coworkers, friends, random drivers, and his brothers, The Snitch and Houdini. He posts about travel and food and almost killing people. It’s okay, the almost killing people stuff happened before he could be charged as an adult. I feel a little awkward telling you this (since I’m such a delicate and innocent gal) but he posts a lot about testicles. Retraction and removal of them seem to be hot topics but he certainly doesn’t limit himself.
I’ve, with permission, brought a little bit of Johnny to my blog. The following are snippets of his posts over time:
JV on Fellow Airline Passengers:
The BO hits me in the face like a Stinky Iron Fist. This was not just ordinary BO. This was, I am pretty sure, an actual sentient creature, separate from him, but in some sort of symbiotic relationship with his armpits. I base my sentience theory on the speed and accuracy with which it moved. The second he took off his coat, it immediately jumped off him, quickly surrounded my olfactory senses, and beat them into submission with an efficiency and purpose I’ve never seen in lower animals.
JV on Random People in the Office Bathroom:
He was diligently checking out his bare ass in the mirror, of course. What else would someone be doing in a bathroom at 6:45 in the morning?
JV on Dogs:
Me: Yeah, this was a husky/shepherd mix. cute little puppy. We named him Veal because he was in the cage all the time.
JV on Guppies:
"MOM! MOM! Come here! HURRY! THE MOTHER GUPPY IS HAVING BABIES! THERE'S HUNDREDS OF THEM! MOM! HURRY! OH CRIPES! OH, CRIPES THE FATHER GUPPY IS EATING THEM! THE FATHER GUPPY IS EATING THEM! NOW THE OTHER FISH ARE EATING THEM TOO! GET THE NET! OH JEEZ, NOW THE MOTHER IS EATING SOME! MAKE THEM STOP! MAKE THEM STOP! "
JV on Guppies + Electricity:
Every single one of my guppies instantly flipped over and floated to the top like cheerios in a bowl full of milk.
JV on Sky Diving:
Right at 5,000 feet, I grab the ripcord and yank it. About two seconds later, the chute pops, and my crotch goes from 120mph to 10mph in the space of a second. My shoulders get yanked backwards, and there’s something in my throat that I think I used to piss with.
JV on Fast Food:
"Yes, I would like the seizure with chicken fangers please. And a bottled water."
Okay, I didn't ask specifically about lifting a picture from his blog but I wanted you to see how he provides visuals to enhance his stories.See what I mean? The fellow is hysterical. Treat yourself to the archives. As the king in Alice in Wonderland said, `Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop.'
A few words of warning: Go pee before you start reading. Seriously. I’ll explain about the Peequation* later.
After you’ve read all there is to read (and maybe even before then) go vote for Johnny at Blog Interviewer. He might win something!
*Idea shamelessly stolen from Johnny Virgil and to be modified to fit me at a later date.
Friday, August 03, 2007
55 Fiction Friday!
In my travels over the internet, I read about nanofiction or 55 Fiction. There are several places to read about it but I'd recommend starting at The Wikipedia article on 55 Fiction. After that, check out some good (i.e., much better than mine) examples at 55 Fiction. There, Michael Lawrie has posted a bunch of his tiny pieces of fiction. The quick explanation is that a work of 55 fiction is a very, very short story of exactly 55 words. It needs to have a character, conflict and resolution.Some bloggers have started doing 55 Fiction Friday and it seemed like a cool, little exercise in controlled fiction writing. If you'd like to play along, feel free to leave your fiction in the comments section - or, if you have a blog and want to put your story there, let me know and I'll edit this post to link to you. This is my first attempt and while I don't think it's horrible, I do hope to get much better. Here's my 55:
That Girl Has Balls!
Meredith didn’t think she had the balls for it, this ambitious undertaking; fame on the line.
She bent over again and again, looking.
Her balls just weren’t there.
She’d heard it was easier for men.
Maybe they had more ball experience but Meredith was determined, bending over one more time.
Success! A break and run!
Get your mind out of the gutter, okay?
UPDATE!
MrWurdi has given the 55 Fiction a try and I love the result. Here's MrWurdi's 55:
Afternoon Delight
So many sensations; she's perplexed. Staring deeply into the abyss, her head wobbling back and forth. All the noises of the others fade away, her mind screaming at her. She wants it all, has to have it all; but, there is always a price to pay.
Looking deeply into her companion's eyes, she declares, "I'll have the fish."
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
BREAKING NEWS
I'm here today to report some Breaking News to you.
Here it is.
You're not going to believe it.
Seriously.
People Have Sex Because It Feels Good.
I
am
stunned.
Please forgive my labeling frenzy. I couldn't help myself.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
I Paid For That
There's a new post at I Paid For That?
If you'd like the non-rhyming account of my morning, that's the place to read it. I'm in a poem-y kind of mood this week so I've written a short poem about my Target experience.
I took myself to Target
While on my morning break.
I needed medication
To soothe a sinus ache.
The druggist hours were posted
For all the world to see.
Yet the door was locked down
On the Target pharmacy.
The employees weren't helpful
They didn't seem to care.
When I do more shopping
It surely won't be there.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Screaming Beans
There are some sick and twisted people out there in Internetland.
It would probably take a team of psychiatrists many years to figure out why the Screaming Beans amuse me as much as they do. Are you a sicko, too?
Check out Screaming Beans.
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