It’s been over a month since those deadly storms came through North Alabama. Just this past Friday, they removed the forest of debris filling the ditches along my street. There are many areas that still look like the storms hit yesterday. Again, I was so blessed/lucky/fortunate.

The FEMA inspector came to document the damage at my house yesterday. I’ll know in 7-10 days what they will do.

Life has, somewhat, returned to normal. I’m finally back at work. Three months of this year, I was without a paycheck. That was a bit stressful. It was also informative. I know that I will not be bored when I eventually retire. I’ve learned that my workaholic tendencies need to be fought. Paychecks are good. Life is better.

School is back in session. For further proof that I am insane, I’m taking five classes again this semester: Spanish Conversation, Technical Risk Management, Project Management, Legal Environment of Business, and Stats II.

I’ve apologized in the past for breaks in blogging. I’m not apologizing for that this time. I’ve made promises about posting. I’m not making promises about that this time.

What I will make a promise about is this: If/when I do post something, it will be ridiculous or deep or DIY psychoanalysis or a haiku or something else completely random.

Goals must be attainable.

In the spirit of ridiculousness, I give you the following cartoon as a warning about summer clothing choices:

What's Goin' On

A couple of posts ago, I mentioned that I had some job angst. I last worked a couple of days before Christmas. That sucks when you're a workaholic. By the way, the whoopie pies were good but too sweet. Once I figure out a better solution, I'll post a recipe.

So, you may be wondering why I haven't been posting more. After all, I haven't been on the job (save for a day or two) for about a month. Well, in the post I linked to above, I mentioned that I was insane and was planning to take five classes this semester. Boy, howdy. It's probably a good thing that I have this downtime from work.

I'm going to take the opportunity to not duplicate effort (that's government speak) in the next couple of days. One of my classes is a creative writing class. Yay! It was part of my grand plan. Yes, I'm taking more than a full load of courses but I needed to make at least one of them something I'd do for fun, if I had time.

In my next post, I'm probably going to dance for Mare. Fair warning. Dancing. Showcasing my insanity. Probably tomorrow.

In the meantime, I have two haikus for you.

I love to travel.
New travel regulations.
Is this a first date?

Dinner and a drink?
No, it's a trip for my job.
Still, it's second base!

Tap, tap, tap... Is this thing on?

I have had so much bloggity-blog-blog stuff to share with you, dear Internet. Alas, I have been paralyzed by my last post. Every single time I had something to write about, I'd remember that I hadn't followed up on Electile Dysfunction. Then, the thought of writing about politics would make my head hurt.

So, you haven't read about Highway Treadmill Guy or the ancient iron or what's cooking in Ima's kitchen or my Flat Stanley project and the follow-on to that, Flat Stanley After Dark. I haven't written about continuing Publix Embarrassment or my searches for great service. No haikus (Haiked Up, Clafoutis, Redneck, Wine) or limericks or funny cartoons have made their way to the Not-So-Wordy-After-All-Bitch blog.

So, rather than write a long essay about each of my voting issues, I'll keep it short and get this over with so I can blog about trivial stuff again. Someday, maybe when I have a little more emotional energy, I'll expound but no promises (threats).

In my last post, I listed my voting issues as follows:

1. Pro-Defense
2. Pro-Gun Rights
3. Pro-Life
4. Pro-Gay Marriage

That's the wrong order, for one thing. Let me try again.

1. Pro-Life

The rest pretty much all tie for importance but I'm just not going to vote for someone who is not pro-life.

Now, I know terminology can get people all stirred up and I could devote this whole post to that topic (but I'm not). I'm pro-life. I call it pro-life. I don't use the term anti-life for people who are pro-choice. Please don't call me anti-choice. I'll use your preferred term for you and you use mine for me, okay? I'm not anti-choice. It might surprise you to know that I'm pro-choice in my own way.

I do not for a minute think that any person or agency or government should tell any sane adult what they can or can not do with their own body. After that is where my path and the pro-choicers paths separate. The way I see it, once a person is pregnant, it's not just their body we're discussing. It comes down to the question of when life begins. There are so many differing opinions on this. Whether it's at conception or when there are brain waves or at birth or first breath has been and will continue to be debated. Brain waves (one of the criteria for keeping an adult on life support) have been measured at six weeks after conception. For me, that's life - an innocent life. Technology may eventually show us that there's "life" earlier than that.

I believe a person should be able to do what they want to do with their own body but that involves being responsible about that body. We all do risky things, knowing the risks and taking precautions, but knowing the potential consequences. Don't want any more kids? You can take all of the precautions: condoms, birth control pills, vasectomy for your partner, tubal ligations, etc. but there's still the risk of pregnancy. The only sure ways are to either not have sex or not have a uterus (yay, hysterectomies!)

There are arguments for legal abortion that are worth civilized discussion (life of the mother being one) but the current laws allowing abortion for any reason means that many innocent lives are ended because they were inconvenient or would create a hardship or just because the mother wasn't being responsible about her body. I've seen it and I've heard it. I volunteered for a crisis pregnancy hotline many years ago and met women who used abortion as birth control. I understand how difficult it can be to be a pregnant teenager who isn't going to be able to take the scholarship - that was me.

Contentious topic, I know, but it's one about which I feel very strongly and, as the tagline says, "This is how I see it." That said, I'd be glad to have a rational, reasonable, polite conversation about this or any topic.

Since I promised I wasn't going to do a lengthy essay on each of my voting issues, I'll keep the other three really short for today.

~Pro-Gun Rights: I'm a law-abiding citizen. Taking my gun rights because others have abused theirs is not acceptable.

~Pro-Defense: We can not afford to be complacent.

~Pro-Gay Marriage: I am sure I'll do a long post on this at some point... Love is a good thing, baby. Marriage isn't just a religious thing - it's a legal thing. The laws are written using the word "marriage" to show a legal joining that allows for certain legal rights - legal rights that should not be infringed upon because of who or how you love.

Peace and Love and Congrats to Vermont this week for seeing the light!

Weekend Recap Haikus

Whining and crying
Shrieking and wailing non-stop
And that's just Grannie

*************

MrWurdi dotes
My heart melts just a little
Good thing we are "fixed"

*************

Grandgirls were enjoyed
Their parents have retrieved them
We're too old for this

Thanksgiving Eve Haikus

Wine gal consulted
American wines purchased
Can't wait to try them!

The foodstuffs are bought.
The store crowds navigated
The cooking begins.

Uh-oh. Big problem.
The oven's thermostat quit
Temp testing tonight.


I'm so glad we discovered the problem with the oven tonight. With a little testing, we should be able to determine how to adjust and still get dinner served on time (and not blackened). I hope to have a picture of our "fancy eatin' table" for you tomorrow.



*****************
Day One of not smoking is good. I'm having some minor urges/craves but I'm recognizing them as more habit that actual want. The Chantix has been bothering me. The dose went up to double yesterday and I felt miserable. Really bad. I don't think I'm going to continue taking it but I'll post more on that later.

I'm Not Feeling It

*
*
*
Dreary Day Haiku
Gray clouds overhead
Coupled with not enough sleep
I'm cranky and glum
*
*
*


********
Chantix update: Although I don't think the medicine is built up enough to be making a difference, I'm smoking less. I'm also experiencing one of the major side effects: Nausea. That's not so much fun but, maybe, it will help keep me from gaining weight as I quit.

Weekend Haiku Review

Old friends seen again
Truth clouded, revealed anew
Peace and happiness


It's funny how we can lose sight of what is authentic to ourselves, what's real, and what is integral to who we are. Sometimes, it's the simple things that revitalize us and make us cut loose the minutiae of our day-to-day and see clearly.

Sometimes, that simple thing is a romp in the woods.


~much thanks to the weekend speaker for helping clear the cloudy lens~

Lazy Sunday Haiku

Sleep late; brunch at will.
Don't be at all productive.
Make sure to take naps.



I feel refreshed.

More Gifts From The Internet

I'm sure my local friends are going to make comments to the How To post soon. I'm sure of it. Really. I have local friends. Not just internet friends. I do. Really. And they're not imaginary or invisible.

Where is my tinfoil hat??

In the meantime, a favorite of bloggers around the world...a few of the Google searches that lead to The Wordy Bitch.

(gmilf or ggmilf) submission - Erm. I think we did the first part of this already but the submission part is new. Either some twisted mind out there wants to lick some granny boots or someone wants to spank the elderly. Now that's kinky.


poem about boobs -
A literary boob afficianado!
How it makes me smile
Come and read my blog a bit
I'm sure it will make you smile

Boobs are mentioned frequently
But most often in September
Please put it on your calendar
In case you don't remember.

paddle faster (i hear banjo music) t-shirt - Deliverance. Squealing. Fear. I'm not even a guy and that's scary. I did see this t-shirt and blogged about it in a post by this name.

get it bitch in Spanish - Well, isn't that rude?

zyban heartache - The love of my life, MrWurdi, despises smoking. DESPISES it, I tell you. Because it worked once before, I tried Zyban to help me quit again. It didn't work this time. Zyban heartache, indeed.

may you have an interesting life - I do! I also posted about this a few months ago. My Interesting Life post explains the phrase and also includes the start of my Zyban heartache.

irritate people - I would love to talk to this person. Do they want to know how? I could completely do a "how to irritate people" post by using examples from those who have irritated me. I think, though, that Google might not like me. I mean, gee, someone types "irritate people" and Wordy Bitch comes up? I admit, this made me curious so I went and Googled the phrase. The Wordy Bitch shows up on PAGE TEN. This person is doing some in-depth research. I'm impressed. And frightened.

a poem of haiku -
Technically so:
A haiku is a poem
Three lines? Rhyming's hard.

For you, I found time
With my words and syllables
This haiku does rhyme.

(Haikus are three lines long with lines formed as follows: 5 syllables/7 syllables/5 syllables)

Haiked Up Recipe - Omelet

When my friend, CaveBtch, challenged me to post a recipe written in haiku form, I responded with Haiked Up Recipe - Pear Clafoutis. I returned the challenge to her and she responded with the following.


Omelet
Three eggs, cracked, in bowl
Whip firmly until frothy
Put aside for now

Cut small chunk butter
Heat in pan until golden
Pour the eggs in pan

Take a spatula
Heatproof silicone is best
This is important

With your spatula
Pull cooked eggs into middle
Raw egg runs to sides

Cook until just set
Swirl pan firmly, eggs spin free
Ready to commit?

You are committed
Tossing omelet into air
Watch the pretty flight

Catching eggs is hard
But not for the committed
Opposite side cooks

Cheese is added now
Melting and lovely the cheese
Slide omelet on plate

Eat with great gusto
The beautiful prize you cooked
God, no ketchup please

A Poem, a Haiku, and a Limerick Walk into a Blog

( . )( . )
It's BOOB WEEK at The Wordy Bitch. As the Saturday, September 15th deadline for donations approaches, I'm focusing on boobs. In Saving 2nd Base, I gave the details on TeamGDT and what we're trying to do to help find a cure for breast cancer.

Boob poetry seemed a good way to start the week. Enjoy!

Boob Poem
The men I meet are fond of boobs
But I can’t help my jeers,
“What you’re looking at aren’t eyes
And boobs do not have ears!”

Boob Haiku
Boobs change over time.
It’s so completely unfair!
Once round and now long.

Boob Limerick
Boobs used for nursing are pure
Boobs flashed for beads, I’m not sure
Virtue or vice
Boobs sure are nice
Boobs: Why we RACE FOR THE CURE!
*************************************
My goal this week is to entertain as well as fundraise. If you're so inclined, please donate.
Learn more about TeamGDT and bid on auction items.
Order the Team GDT cookbook, Eat for the Cure, directly from the publisher..
( . )( . )

Haiked Up Recipe - Pear Clafoutis

A dear friend of mine challenged me to post a recipe – written in haiku form. Obviously, the recipe would have to be done in several parts. This is a recipe I’ve made several times and I’ve used different fruits in it. The photo and the recipe come from Jennifer Hamilton at The Domestic Goddess and are based on a May 1994 Bon Appetit recipe. I love her latest suggestion to do a brulee top and will probably try that next.





Pear Clafoutis
Nine inch pie plate sprayed
Oven at three-twenty-five
This starts clafoutis.

Four eggs will be joined
By a half cup of sugar
Eighth-teaspoon of salt.

After they’re blended
Whisk in one-third cup of flour
Isn’t this great fun?

Whisk a cup of milk,
Quarter-cup melted butter
Then, add the spices

Starting with extracts –
One teaspoon of vanilla
Half-teaspoon maple.

Cinnamon is next
Measure half of a teaspoon
Whisk all until smooth.

Peel and core three pears
Use large ones and slice thinly
Arrange in the plate.

Pour in the custard
Bake for fifty-five minutes
Or until it’s set

Powdered sugar tops
Maple syrup on the side
Tasty warm or cold


I admit – I thought about cheating on this one.
Gourmet Dinner
Haiku recipe?
That’s hard. I pick up the phone.
“Take your order, please?”

Redneck Haikus

I live in Alabama. While not a native, I have been here for many years. So, even though I'm not a redneck, I can speak the language. I've taken my understanding of the culture and combined it with my love of haikus for your enjoyment and/or ridicule.







Rolling fields of green.
The beauty is unending.
Oh, no! It's KUDZU!


Southern Driving Rules:
(Standard laws do not apply)
My truck is bigger!


Culture, style and class?
Did you get lost or somethin'?
You ain't from 'round here.


Redneck wedding day
Barefoot and pregnant - they wed.
He did get 'er done.


Thought she had freckles.
Daddy spits out the window.
Poor thing... Bless her heart!

The Red Wine Haiku Review

I like haikus.

I like wine.

Imagine my delight when I found a blog that caters to both interests. Lane Steinberg reviews red wines in the form of a haiku. Obviously, reviews of only 17 syllables can’t be that detailed; in fact, some are rather cryptic. However, most of the haikus are perfectly succinct in their adoration, loathing or amusement.

Two of my favorites from The Red Wine Haiku Review are below.

Royal Zin Cuvee Royall Zinfandel 'NV' (California)
This wine is a slut
Only one thing on her mind
And she's good at it

Bella Sera Pinot Noir 2005 (Italy)
Cheaper than bagged dirt
It's actually delicious
Faith in life restored

Haiked Up

Pretty, yellow skirt
Does not match my beet-red face.
Breeze? Unexpected.