Tuesday, January 30, 2007
What Are Ya Gonna Do?
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don't much care where –”said Alice.
“Then it doesn't matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
~ Lewis Carroll (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland)
If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll wander. If you don’t have a goal, how do you know where to aim? If you don’t know what you want, how will you ever get it?
Many times, I end up stressed about things over which I have no control. I fail to determine where I want to go, what my goal is, or what I want. I will have a vague idea of what I want; i.e., I want my life to be less complicated or I want to have less stress or I want my kids to be happy. I need to get down to the specifics or, at least, break each want or need down into smaller parts.
During a class I attended last August, I learned about One Minute Motivations. I’m sure someone deserves credit for that and I’ll check my materials when I get home and will edit this portion of the post to reflect the author. The OMMs work off four basic questions. They are: What would you like to have happen? What needs to happen? Can you? Will you?
Answering those questions helps me gain control over the situation or, if need be, let go of those things over which I have no control. It helps me focus.
What would you like to have happen?
This needs to be specific. “I want to have less stress” is not specific enough. I need to pick one part of that at a time and deal with each part. So, I’m getting specific. I want my home to be an oasis from stress. I want my home to be a place of peace.
What needs to happen?
My house needs to be clean. My bills need to be up-to-date. Stress needs to stop at the door (I can deal with the yard later). I need to be organized, have less clutter, have less things, refuse to allow arguments in my home. Sure, that’s several things but they’re all doable and they all need to be done to achieve my goal of having my home be a place of peace.
Can I do what it will take to make my goal happen? When I get to this step, I have to look at all the excuses or reasons I have for this not to happen. If someone other than me leaves a mess, I can bitch and nag about it and hope they’ll pick up after themselves or I can clean up after them or I can ban them from my home until they’re willing to help me meet my goal. Can I get organized? Can I get rid of clutter? Can I get rid of anything that I don’t need or love? Can I shred anything sensitive that I don’t need? Can I simplify my life by getting rid of things? Can I get organized? Can I refuse to allow arguments in my home – either in person or on the phone? Can I step outside to deal with anything unpeaceful?
WILL I do those things I’ve identified – those things that I CAN do? Will I ban someone from my house? No. Will bitching help me meet my goal? No. Will I pick up after them? If I want a clean house that is peaceful to me, I suppose I will. Since I've identified that, I can let go of my irritation (and stress) about it. The other things? Will I do them? Those things that apply just to me? I can and will do those things.
Those four questions can be applied to any situation. They can identify a destination, a goal, a want or a need. They can also help you decide if a vague wanting of something is important enough for you to pursue.
Piece by piece, one step at a time, I can and I will change my life.