Monday, May 24, 2010

Thought Garden

Have you ever seen what passes for dirt in Alabama? It’s ugly. It’s a reddish-orange, dense, clay-like ground that somehow manages to get a coating of green every year. Weeds seem to have no problem growing in it but good things struggle to strive in this inhospitable environment. The earth packs down and turns brick-hard in the hot southern summers.

It’s hard to grow anything in this hateful soil.

My attempts to grow myself are hampered by a similar dense, clay-like soil. Sure, there is some growth but weeds grow more readily than nourishing plants.

I’m struggling to figure out how I’ve allowed my foundation to turn into something hard and averse to growth. I’ve become stagnant and infertile. I used to engage in self-discovery. I believed I would make a difference. Instead, I’ve allowed complacency and procrastination and fear keep me from being who I am. Whether it was deliberate or unintended, I’ve allowed so many other external activities to crowd my head that I didn’t have time to think about what was happening to me. I’ve compromised myself, not because it was demanded or requested or expected, and I’m trying to figure out why and how I can change it.

This is my thought garden.

This is hard. There’s lots of digging. I’m pulling up roots and rocks and trying to put good things in their place. I’m amending my soil soul.

To do that, I have to indulge in some more of that do-it-yourself psychoanalysis. I have to admit my faults. It involves some wallowing… I guess that’s the right word. I have to go back and visit those hard places. I have to re-examine those times in my life where I went off my path - where I abandoned self in the name of peace or obligation or fear or laziness.

Monday, May 03, 2010

I Did Promise Ridiculous Posts...

I've mentioned that I'm doing some home improvement projects. Even more recently, I wrote about needing to do some of that do-it-yourself psychoanalysis. I'll call that internal improvement. I've also gone back to school for some educational improvement. Then, to top it off, I've joined a gym (and I actually go!) so I can work on some physical improvement. I joke all the time that, "I'm old and I'm tired and my everything hurts."

Well, the truth is that I'm not that old, I shouldn't feel that tired and if my everything is hurting now it's not going to get any better as I get closer to being that old. Plus, I've added a couple of , um, several more pounds than I'm comfortable with having gained. I'm not at my heaviest but I was getting close enough that it scared me.

So, I promised some ridiculousness.

The other day, I changed into my workout clothes so I could go to the gym and get sweaty and buff and stuff. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and thought, "Ack! This is not flattering at all. I can't be seen in public in this!"

Then, I gave myself a mental slap upside the head, went to the gym in my unflattering clothes so I could work on getting back to the point where I like the way I look. It was great inspiration to really get into my workout.

When I got home, I realized that I had my shirt on backwards. Doofus and a fashion NO? Double score!

In other news, Garnier Fructis hairspray and Scrubbing Bubbles both are packaged in green cans. They are both aerosol products. Both can often be found in bathrooms.

They are not interchangeable.