Monday, May 24, 2010

Thought Garden

Have you ever seen what passes for dirt in Alabama? It’s ugly. It’s a reddish-orange, dense, clay-like ground that somehow manages to get a coating of green every year. Weeds seem to have no problem growing in it but good things struggle to strive in this inhospitable environment. The earth packs down and turns brick-hard in the hot southern summers.

It’s hard to grow anything in this hateful soil.

My attempts to grow myself are hampered by a similar dense, clay-like soil. Sure, there is some growth but weeds grow more readily than nourishing plants.

I’m struggling to figure out how I’ve allowed my foundation to turn into something hard and averse to growth. I’ve become stagnant and infertile. I used to engage in self-discovery. I believed I would make a difference. Instead, I’ve allowed complacency and procrastination and fear keep me from being who I am. Whether it was deliberate or unintended, I’ve allowed so many other external activities to crowd my head that I didn’t have time to think about what was happening to me. I’ve compromised myself, not because it was demanded or requested or expected, and I’m trying to figure out why and how I can change it.

This is my thought garden.

This is hard. There’s lots of digging. I’m pulling up roots and rocks and trying to put good things in their place. I’m amending my soil soul.

To do that, I have to indulge in some more of that do-it-yourself psychoanalysis. I have to admit my faults. It involves some wallowing… I guess that’s the right word. I have to go back and visit those hard places. I have to re-examine those times in my life where I went off my path - where I abandoned self in the name of peace or obligation or fear or laziness.


Sgt said...

Don't let the world convince you that your soil is what is bad. Dandelions are weeds.. and my kids think they are beautiful flowers.

Just don't go running the rototiller on yourself or anything. That would hurt like hell! ;-)

Anonymous said...

You could always hire a nonbiased landscaper.

Flowers said...

Nice blog. Being a great lover of garden art. It was nice going through your blog. keep on posting.

Anonymous said...

Mom, wow. :)

Ima Wurdibitsch said...

Thank you, Sgt. I'll try to keep that in mind and attempt to not lose any of my good wild stuff! ;-)

Hi Anon - you shilling for a local therapist?

Thanks, dear daughter... at least I think it's dear daughter. I don't think your brother would be wowed by the post...