Monday, July 02, 2007

Ow! Ow! Ow! A Top 5 List!

The Top Five Things to do when you have two torn disks in your lower back and done something you can't pronounce to your upper back/neck and it's causing shooting pains, burning, and numbness in your arms and hands.

5. Whine (this should be done in conjunction with all the other items on the list).
4. Stand up. Sitting is bad. Sitting hurts.
3. Go to bed, curled up on your side and hope it stops hurting.
2. Get pissed off at the surgeon with the God complex.
1. Take darvocet.

I've done all that and some other stuff including chiropractor, ice, rest, TENS, acupuncture, steroids, anti-inflammatories, eating whatever the hell I want because...well, because... okay, there's not a really good reason for that so I'm back on track today. I also went for my first physical therapy session. I feel like the traveling gnome when he uses the American appliance in the European outlet. You know, the one where he's thrown across the room and as he's flat on his back, whimpers, "Am I going to die?"

I hope and plan to blog more regularly as I heal.


CharmQuark said...

Here's an alternate top 5:

1) Drink, because your meds make the booze much more effective
2) Knit home made hand grenade and bayonet cuzzies to send to the troops
3) Write your local congress-person to explain your appreciation for the complete legistlative gridlock in Washington, which has propelled the Dow Jow Jones and S&P 500 to record levels.
4) Spy on your neighbors and aggressively report any and all violations of drought water restrictions, local decency standards, and noise regulations.
5) Try to set the world record for the number of 80's era Tony Danza jigsaw puzzles completed in one week.

Dan said...

Ouch! But I'm still laughing my ass off! Is that good or bad? I mean ... I'm not really laughing at your misfortune. I'm laughing at what you said about your misfortune.

Crap. I guess that means I'm laughing at your misfortune.

I LOVED your "About Me" in your profile. We are very similar in this respect (politically). I also am heavily into Eastern Philosophy. I would describe myself as a non-silly Taoist/Buddhist (i.e., one who will protect himself and his family to the death).

Ima Wurdibitsch said...

You laugh at my pain?!?

That's okay. I'm at a point now where it is something I can grin at a little bit.