Monday, April 27, 2009

Hamzilla

This time of year is when folks in our area start hosting dinners called, "Dining with Friends." These dinners benefit the local AIDS Action Coalition and the Davis Clinic. For a donation, the invitees eat, drink, and make merry - all for a good cause.

My dear friend, Chef~H aka Wormy, has hosted for as long as I can remember. Although I wasn't there this year, I've heard what happened at this year's event. In addition to pig candy and other BBQ'd delights prepared by Pinky, Chef~H prepared a massive ham. Close to thirty pounds, this was an impressive piece of meat.




The ham is missing.

I modified a song from my youth to pay tribute to the missing:


HAMZILLA
With a benefit dinner and some tasty food
The thirty-pound ham roast set a good mood
Start the carving with a sharp knife
A mighty big porker gave his life
The folks started drinking and a few, they got sauced
That massive porker ended up getting lost

Oh no, they say to cook it slow, slow slow Hamzilla
Oh no, where did that big ham go, go go Hamzilla

Oh no, they say cook it slow, slow slow Hamzilla
Oh no, where did that big ham go, go go Hamzilla

History shows again and again
How liquor exposes the folly of man
Hamzilla
History shows again and again
Hamzilla
History shows again and again
How liquor exposes the folly of man
Hamzilla
History shows again and again
Hamzilla

Oh no, they say to cook it slow, slow slow Hamzilla
Oh no, where did that big ham go, go go Hamzilla

This verse goes again and again
The original song won’t ever end
Hamzilla
History shows again and again
Hamzilla
This verse goes again and again
But on this verse, this time, the song will end
Hamzilla
History shows again and again
Hamzilla



If you've seen the missing ham or have information as to its whereabouts, please leave a message in the comments section of this post.




***UPDATE***UPDATE***UPDATE***UPDATE***UPDATE***
A hambone was left in a unmarked cardboard box on Wormy's doorstep the other day. A note was with the bone. The note, unsigned, read, "Thanks for the ham."

What kind of sick porkalogical madman would do such a thing?

Again, if you have any information about this incident, please contact us through the comments section of this post. Remember, only you can stop pork theft.


***UPDATE***UPDATE***UPDATE***UPDATE***UPDATE***

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Laughing my butt off.......

Here hamzilla, good hamzilla, come out, come out wherever you are......

Damnit.....where'd he go?

Wormy

Anonymous said...

NOTICE TO EVERYONE: Wormy got wasted! Wormy got wasted! It's possible she put it in the clothes dryer thinking it was the fridge. Do your clothes smell like ham? No more Costco vodka for Wormy!

Yer BBQ pal and the brother you never had or wanted loves ya Wormy!

Pinky

Anonymous said...

A naked ham bone and a note ended up at my house on Tuesday. It was kind of Godfatheresque....no horse's head but a hambone.

BTW, Kirkland (aka Costco) vodka is good stuff (in reasonable quantities).

:)

wormy

sxj said...

geez, who would be so cruel to steal your ham and bring back the bone...

Anonymous said...

It's ok.....I have the CSI (Cooking Stylist Inc) on the case. They are using the most modern methods known to man to make certain that the Porkalogical madman (love it!) is caught. I hear there is lots of floss testing to be done. Looking for bits of ham, you know.

C'mere you! I think YOU had something to do with it. And because there is no ham on the bone anymore, NO SOUP FOR YOU!

wormy (pissed)