Things My Parents Taught Me

I’m not sure if I was even born yet when the incident I’m about to relate to you occurred; however, I’ve heard about it for years and my parents claim it is true. A comment Becca left on my last post made me realize it might make for an interesting blog story and I’ve received permission from my parents to post it.

My parents were in their early 20s and hadn’t been married long. Mom had given up the security of her family and home near Baltimore to move to El Paso, TX where my dad was stationed at Ft. Bliss. Dad had gone out with his Army buddies for an evening of cultural enrichment in the lovely border town of Juarez.

Many hours later, his buddies poured him out of the car onto the front lawn of our quarters. As he crawled to the front door, no doubt clutching the sparse grass firmly to keep from falling off the earth, I’m sure he was considering himself quite the party animal.

The next morning was a completely different story. He woke up with a marching band practicing maneuvers in his head and a sneaking suspicion that a cat had shat in his mouth.

I need to explain something here. My mother is a kind, caring, lovely woman. She’s volunteered for the Red Cross, Meals on Wheels, Hospice, and a number of care and compassion groups in her church. She is a good woman.

When Dad woke up groaning late the next morning, his darling bride had just walked into the room to check on him. She leaned over him, lovingly laid her hands on his shoulders, and quietly whispered, “Oh, honey. Do you have a hangover?”

“Yes,” he whimpered.

“GOOD!” she yelled, as she shook the daylights out of him.

I don’t know if my dad ever had another hangover. I do know that he’s never complained about one.

Mom and Dad will be celebrating forty-five years of wedded bliss this August. They’ve had good times and bad times and, for the most part, been fair with each other.

What this story illustrates is one of the valuable lessons about personal responsibility that my parents taught me: If you knowingly do something that causes you pain, you lose your right to complain about it.

I won’t run down the list of my flaws and virtues but I have a fair amount of each. I’ve claimed for a number of years that I am both the very best and the very worst of my parents.

I’m good with that.

Excuses, excuses - update - and good news!

I've been on the road for work far too much lately and I've missed you, dear Internet.

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I have an update on Highway Treadmill Guy.

Highway Treadmill Guy is the owner of the health food store. He'd been working so hard with the store that he'd let himself get out of shape. The store wasn't doing that well. Heck, I drove by it every day and didn't even know it was there until I saw him on the side of the highway. He decided to combine exercise and advertising. It worked. I don't usually watch the local news but several tv and radio stations came out and interviewed him. Some folks pulled into the parking lot to ask him what he was doing. Business has really picked up for him, he lost 15 pounds, and now runs nearly every day.

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In other news, fans of good beer have achieved a major victory in Alabama. Up until a few weeks ago, The Code of Alabama, in §28-3-1(3), addressing the regulation of alcoholic beverages, restricted ABV to 6%. It stated:

"BEER, or MALT OR BREWED BEVERAGES. Any beer, lager beer, ale, porter, malt or brewed beverage, or similar fermented malt liquor containing one-half of one percent or more of alcohol by volume and not in excess of five percent alcohol by weight and six percent by volume, by whatever name the same may be called."

That meant that while wine could have an ABV of up to 24% and was not regulated to certain bottle/container sizes, many craft and gourmet beers were not legal in Alabama. That sucked.

A lovely organization and movement called Free the Hops got busy. They were (finally) successful. On May 22, 2009, the Gourmet Beer Bill (HB373) was signed into law by Governor Riley!

Alabama beer laws are still somewhat restrictive but this is a HUGE step forward. Free the Hops is still working to, erm, free the hops in Alabama. It's a rather slow process for the distributors to get the now-legal beers into local shops, bars, and restaurants but the good stuff is beginning to trickle in - even in North Alabama. There are still restrictions on container size, home brewers, competitions, etc. so Free The Hops still has a mission and I plan to support that mission as much as possible.

A local brewery, Olde Towne Brewing Company, has released a beer in honor of this auspicious occasion. Emancipation Double IPA is available in a few choice locations.

I realize there are several non-local readers who are probably a little bored by this part of the post but won't you raise a pint in celebration with us? You've had great beer available to you while we've made do.


I'll close this post with some Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy: "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed - Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'"

Cheers!

Hamzilla

This time of year is when folks in our area start hosting dinners called, "Dining with Friends." These dinners benefit the local AIDS Action Coalition and the Davis Clinic. For a donation, the invitees eat, drink, and make merry - all for a good cause.

My dear friend, Chef~H aka Wormy, has hosted for as long as I can remember. Although I wasn't there this year, I've heard what happened at this year's event. In addition to pig candy and other BBQ'd delights prepared by Pinky, Chef~H prepared a massive ham. Close to thirty pounds, this was an impressive piece of meat.

The ham is missing.

I modified a song from my youth to pay tribute to the missing:


HAMZILLA
With a benefit dinner and some tasty food
The thirty-pound ham roast set a good mood
Start the carving with a sharp knife
A mighty big porker gave his life
The folks started drinking and a few, they got sauced
That massive porker ended up getting lost

Oh no, they say to cook it slow, slow slow Hamzilla
Oh no, where did that big ham go, go go Hamzilla

Oh no, they say cook it slow, slow slow Hamzilla
Oh no, where did that big ham go, go go Hamzilla

History shows again and again
How liquor exposes the folly of man
Hamzilla
History shows again and again
Hamzilla
History shows again and again
How liquor exposes the folly of man
Hamzilla
History shows again and again
Hamzilla

Oh no, they say to cook it slow, slow slow Hamzilla
Oh no, where did that big ham go, go go Hamzilla

This verse goes again and again
The original song won’t ever end
Hamzilla
History shows again and again
Hamzilla
This verse goes again and again
But on this verse, this time, the song will end
Hamzilla
History shows again and again
Hamzilla



If you've seen the missing ham or have information as to its whereabouts, please leave a message in the comments section of this post.




***UPDATE***UPDATE***UPDATE***UPDATE***UPDATE***
A hambone was left in a unmarked cardboard box on Wormy's doorstep the other day. A note was with the bone. The note, unsigned, read, "Thanks for the ham."

What kind of sick porkalogical madman would do such a thing?

Again, if you have any information about this incident, please contact us through the comments section of this post. Remember, only you can stop pork theft.

***UPDATE***UPDATE***UPDATE***UPDATE***UPDATE***

Thanksgiving Eve Haikus

Wine gal consulted
American wines purchased
Can't wait to try them!

The foodstuffs are bought.
The store crowds navigated
The cooking begins.

Uh-oh. Big problem.
The oven's thermostat quit
Temp testing tonight.


I'm so glad we discovered the problem with the oven tonight. With a little testing, we should be able to determine how to adjust and still get dinner served on time (and not blackened). I hope to have a picture of our "fancy eatin' table" for you tomorrow.



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Day One of not smoking is good. I'm having some minor urges/craves but I'm recognizing them as more habit that actual want. The Chantix has been bothering me. The dose went up to double yesterday and I felt miserable. Really bad. I don't think I'm going to continue taking it but I'll post more on that later.

Paddle Faster, I Hear Banjo Music!*

UPDATED!!
MrWurdi and I spent Memorial Day weekend in the mountains of northern Georgia with some friends. We stayed at a fantastic cabin named Wild Blue Yonder and I want to go back and live there. Despite a forest fire that made the view a little hazy, the scenery was gorgeous! A bike ride to Helen, GA provided some wonderful opportunities for oohing and ahhing at the sites as well as a bit of photography. I'll be updating this post later with some photos from the trip and a few more details about them.

At I Paid For That, I'll be posting about our service experiences on our mini-vacation. Who would have thought you'd find gourmet foods and nice wines in the heart of redneck country? Not me. I was pleasantly surprised.

More later!

*The title of this post comes from a t-shirt I saw that made me laugh so hard I nearly wet myself.

The Meals
As I mentioned in I Paid For That, I did all the cooking for our weekend in the mountains. For the folks who'd be arriving after 5 hours on their bikes, I put out a variety of store bought snacks from the amazingly well-stocked local grocery store and gourmet meat shop but did make one snack myself. It was a complete experiment but it ended up being pretty damned tasty. I took mini pitas, split them in half and put a mixture of blue cheese, chopped dates, and prosciutto on them, then tossed them in a 350 degree oven for about 15 minutes. The Windmill Old Vine Zinfandelwas great with this. Just to recognize the wine, here's a picture of a windmill we saw on our bike ride to Helen, GA.




It turned out that one of the folks didn't care for blue cheese so I ended up doing a quick revision to the dinner plan. Since I had two pork loins, I stuffed one with blue cheese and chopped dates; the other, I seasoned with rosemary and garlic. I also made garlic and rosemary red potatoes, broccoli, asparagus and baked artichoke hearts with parmesan cheese. Crusty bread with herbed olive oil and a baby greens salad with blue cheese (for those who wanted it), toasted pine nuts, and a red wine viniagrette were served with the meal. The wine was Yalumba Shiraz Viognier. Nice. For dessert, I'd made two cobblers: blackberry and cherry/apple. These cobblers are remarkably easy to make and not high in points for those doing Weight Watchers. I'll post the recipes later.

I wanted breakfast to be easy so I decided to do two "make the night before" kinds of breakfast bakes. The savory one was a combination of turkey sausage, egg, and cheese. The sweet one was a baked french toast. The fruit had already been cut up so it was super easy to just get up the next morning, turn on the oven, make coffee and chill on the deck and enjoy the view.



Lunch was in Helen, GA at the Old Bavaria and I blogged about that at I Paid For That.

We went back to the gourmet meat shop for steaks to grill for dinner. I seasoned them and the guys did the grilling. Everyone loved the salad and potatoes from the night before so we had more of those and more crusty bread to finish out the meal. Dessert was this absolutely drool-worthy cheesy-pastry kind of dealio that one of the other gals made. It was my one request for someone else cooking something that weekend.

The Views
I'm a huge fan of the beach. I love the sand and the water and the carefree beach spirit. I've discovered that the mountains have a different spirit and it's one that encourages me to explore my own. I'm sure there'll be more on that later. One thing I noticed is that I wanted to capture the beauty of everything around me. I took a few pictures and want to share them.

The mountains were so flippin' beautiful. Unfortunately, there was a forest fire that afternoon and by afternoon, the view was kind of hazy.










Here's a little pond we saw as we blazed down the rural highway.







These flowers were blooming on the side of the mountain. I have no idea what they are. If you know, leave me a comment and tell me. Please?













At the base of the mountain where our cabin was, there was this lovely little pond with a mini waterfall and some gorgeous flowers.
















CACTUS FLOWERS




I have hostas in my front yard. Until this trip, I never realized how pretty the flowers were.

The Red Wine Haiku Review

I like haikus.

I like wine.

Imagine my delight when I found a blog that caters to both interests. Lane Steinberg reviews red wines in the form of a haiku. Obviously, reviews of only 17 syllables can’t be that detailed; in fact, some are rather cryptic. However, most of the haikus are perfectly succinct in their adoration, loathing or amusement.

Two of my favorites from The Red Wine Haiku Review are below.

Royal Zin Cuvee Royall Zinfandel 'NV' (California)
This wine is a slut
Only one thing on her mind
And she's good at it

Bella Sera Pinot Noir 2005 (Italy)
Cheaper than bagged dirt
It's actually delicious
Faith in life restored

Nobody loves me, everybody hates me...

When we were kids, we were told to share.

As young adults, it was the extremely brave and/or foolhardy who ate the worm from the tequila bottle.

So, what happens when we're middle-aged? How do we embrace our pasts, remain young at heart, and show the world that we remember our manners and we're not intimidated by booze-soaked creepy-crawlies?


We share the worm.

Hell, let those wimpy-ass college kids swallow the bugger whole. It take real guts, real middle-aged guts, to break it in half to share with a friend. My dear friends, CaveBtch (let me know if that's right) and (remains un-named until I have permission or an alias), shared this special moment together while close friends and curious onlookers observed.

I apologize for the quality of the picture. It was taken facing the sun with a camera phone while straddling a picnic bench. Beer and/or tequila may have been involved. I had to act fast or the moment would have been lost forever.

More Tallula...

I really loved this restaurant. Just posting what my companion and I ate was enough for one post so I decided to cut it short and continue my professions of love another day. Today is another day. I want to talk about the food. I've also been eating like I never heard of Weight Watchers so now seems like a good time for that.

As the king told Alice in Lewis Carroll's tale, "Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop." I shall do so.

Baby Burger
This was delightful. I'm not foodie enough to give the proper descriptions of flavor, mouthfeel, etc. but I know what I like and what I don't. This bite of beef was exquisite. It was moist and flavorful and I would love a full-size version one day.

Risotto Fritter
Mmmmm. Mmmmmmmmmmmm.... MMMMMMmmmm!!! It was crispy-ish on the outside and wonderfully creamy on the inside. The reddish-orange sauce was perfectly spiced.

Mahi-Mahi Ceviche
I really, really liked this. I'm so glad my companion ordered it because I'm still not sure I'm pronouncing "ceviche" correctly. I know I live in Redneckville. I just don't want to proclaim it with improper pronunciations. I wonder if I can point at it on menus and pretend I'm having a coughing fit or something.

Duck Spring Roll
I've never met a duck I didn't like. This was no exception. I was curious about the gastrique. The first time I'd heard the term was on Top Chef and it was used by a very pretentious contestant. I loved the gastrique. It was the perfect match to the tender duck in the crispy wrapper.

Steak Tartare
This was my absolute favorite of the Amuses. Beef? Cheese? Capers? Mustard? Completely drool-worthy and I want more. Now.

Liptaur on Crostini
While nothing was bad at Tallula, this was my least favorite Amuse item. The crunch was nice. The taste was nice. Goat cheese is always good. Quark? I don't know quark. I suppose I shall Google it at some point. It was okay. If I have the good fortune to find myself at Tallula again, I will pass on the Liptaur and get more Steak Tartare.

I raved about the salad (especially the cheese) with my last blog post so I'll just skip re-reviewing that and continue the dreaming of it.

Tuna Tartare
The mix of flavors in this was unexpected and completely delicious. The pineapple puree was the best little bit of sweetness for the creaminess of the avocado and the cool firmness of the cucumber. Icing on the cake? Sweet potato chips. I loved every single bite I took.

Goat Cheese Ravioli
I just had a bite of this. I thought grabbing the plate from my delightful dining companion and inhaling her food would be just a little bit impolite. I managed, barely, to restrain myself. Fortunately, I had something delicious waiting for me on my own plate.

Seared Hudson Valley Foie Gras
I'd never had foie gras before that night. I wasn't sure I'd like it. So, with all the lovely choices before me, one might ask why I chose the foie. Stupid government interference, that's why. Now, I'm not going to turn my second "I love Tallula" post into a rant about intrusive government but I will say that Chicago's ban of foie gras is what influenced my decision to order it. I thought I'd better try it before other cities jumped on the BANdwagon.

I loved it. It was creamy and hearty and delicious and I want to eat it again. I'll probably eat a few more trans fats before it's all said and done, too.

As for the desserts, I love desserts. While I'm usually a Creme Brulee purist, I enjoyed the Pear Brulee. The sorbets were not in flavors I would normally think of for sorbets but I thoroughly enjoyed them. Cookies are my weakness. I love cookies. Both desserts had cookies. By the time we got to the dessert portion of our meal, I was way outside of my Comfort Zone (thanks, Weight Watchers) but I. DID. NOT. CARE. There were cookies! And creamy brulee and sorbet! And Tawny Port!


Excuse me. I'm going to go think about exercise for a while. It IS the thought that counts, right?

(Thank you, Chef Nathan, thank you!)

Dinner at Tallula!

A few weeks ago, I dined at Tallula Restaurant with a dear friend who lives in the area. Nathan Anda is the chef and my dining companion is well known to him. Chef Nathan and the general manager sent us a bottle of wine they thought we’d like (Tittarelli Bonarda – completely new to me and thoroughly enjoyed). My companion and I decided not to get entrées but, instead, chose from the Amuse Your Mouth menu to start, followed by a salad, and then two appetizers each (in place of the entrée) and dessert.

From the Amuse Your Mouth portion of the menu:
(These are two-biters, designed to share. We split each of these.)
Baby Burger - black truffle butter, red onion marmalade
Risotto Fritter - roasted corn & scallion, romesco sauce
Mahi-Mahi Ceviche - citrus & green onion vinaigrette
Duck Spring Roll - confit leg, chipotle chili, orange gastrique
Steak Tartare - Dijon mustard, capers, Parmesan cheese tuile
Liptaur on Crostini - quark & goat cheese spread, micro salad

It was a hard call to determine which was my favorite but the steak tartare edged out the others for the win. For our beverage with this course, she had a glass of 2004 Santa Barbara Chardonnay and I had the 2003 Kunde Viognier.

Our salad was the Spicy Greens Salad - with pecorino vecchio, truffled acacia honey, pumpkin seed vinaigrette, aged balsamic. The salad was delightful but I fantasized about a plate piled high with the cheese and sauce. Chef Nathan then sent us a treat of a beef tenderloin served with duckfat-fried potatoes and sliced crimini (I think) mushroom with some kind of heavenly reduction.

For our entrée made of appetizers, we both had the tuna tartare. She also had the ravioli and I had the foie gras. The menu description follows.

Tuna Tartare - avocado, cucumber, crispy sweet potato chips, citrus vinaigrette, & spiced pineapple puree
Local Goat Cheese Ravioli - maitake mushrooms, sauteed broccoli rabe, lamb sugo
Seared Hudson Valley Foie Gras - sweet & sour quince, buckwheat crepe, blackberry syrup

We might not have ordered dessert. The chef just sent it out. I think he knew we were weight watchers and probably wouldn’t order it. With this, we had the Taylor Fladgate 10-Year-Old Tawny Port.

Pear Brûlée - Poached Pears, Ginger Snaps
Sorbet Duo - Pomegranite and grapefruit, Shortbread Cookies

The atmosphere was lovely and I can't wait to go back once they finish the EatBar. The food was beyond exceptional. I've perused menus from my local establishments and they all are lacking. I live in a culinary wasteland.

I long for Tallula where there are 70 wines offered by the glass, where the food is decadent and delicious, where dining is an experience, and where the people who provide it love food and enjoy sharing that love with others.

Allow me to share one final appreciation for Tallula. How can you not love a place that categorizes the wines by the glass in such a creative way? (From their menu)

Tickling Your Nose
'...to think of the soil' (Earthy Reds)
'Exuberance After the Crush' (Fruity Reds)
'...but your color was seductive' (Medium-Bodied Reds)
'And With a Touch of Spice Turned the Red Face into a Shadow of Delight' (Spicy Reds)
'The Angelic Side of Hedonistic' (Full-Bodied Reds)
'Summer in a Bottle' (Lighter Style Whites & Rosés)
'Spring & Fall in a Glass' (Medium-Bodied Whites & Rosés)
'Wickedly Ponderous' (Full-Bodied Whites & Rosés)

Here's a Tip for You

One of my favorite blogs is Slashfood. One of their recent topics was a review of a Michael Bauer blog entry. Bauer is the restaurant critic for the SF Chronicle and his blog entry was about service charges at restaurants.

The Slashfood article, "From Tipping to Service Charges" inspired some comments from U.S. diners as well as some from folks in other countries.

My comment on the article was:
I tip appropriately. If the service is good, I give 20%. If it's fantastic, I'll tip much more. Especially at restaurants or bars that I visit frequently, I get excellent service.

I also tip appropriately if the service is horrible. There's only been one instance where I tipped nothing.

Since I always pay with a credit or debit card, I also write an explanation or note of appreciation on the signature slip. Then, the server and the manager doing the receipts later have no doubt as to why the tip was less than stellar or over the top.

It would be wonderful if our servers were paid at least minimum wage. Since they're not and this is no secret to them, I'd think they'd work to make the service good and, hopefully, make up the difference in tips.


Bauer's Blog is here and the tipping article's permanent link is "Beyond the Tipping Point.

Random Thought #1: Anonymity in an Airport Bar

I have a fondness for airport bars. Somehow, they don’t have that air of desperation wafting through them like happy hour places. The patrons in airports are exciting; they’re going somewhere. They are merely killing time between one exciting flight and another and they all have an interesting story.

I’m different, too. When I’m in the airport bar, I don’t have laundry on the floor in stacks of whites, darks, and hand-washables. I don’t have a front flowerbed in dire need of weeding. No one knows that my fish tank looks like it’s filled with anti-freeze or that there’s something scary growing in that plastic container on the back of the third shelf in my refrigerator. The bartender has no idea that I have Eurekaphobia (fear of vacuums).

Yeah, it’s a nice little fantasy. I can’t wait for my next trip.

Martinis

Martinis. Martinis are made with gin or vodka and dry vermouth. In my opinion, a martini isn't a martini unless you use gin. Olives, onions or lemon twists are acceptable garnishes.

A Cosmopolitan is not a martini. An Appletini is not a martini. None of the cocktails currently being paraded as -tinis are martinis. If it has anything other than the ingredients in the above paragraph, it is NOT a martini. It is a cocktail.

If you put beer in a martini glass, it would not suddenly become a beertini. It would still be beer. Grape juice poured in a wine glass does not miraculously become wine. Tea poured in a coffee cup does not become coffee.

It's rather simple, my argument: The drink doesn't change because of the glass.

When I go to a bar and order a martini, the bartender should not begin rattling off all the whatever-tinis on the menu. He or she should ask, "Gin or vodka?" Or, perhaps, even better so as not to confuse those unfamiliar with a decent martini, "How would you like that prepared?" That's my favorite response. It's permission to be as picky as I like about my drink and I am picky (recipe to follow). I'm also a generous tipper. I may be a wordy bitch but I'm not a bitch. A half-way decent martini will gain my bartender 20% - more if it's perfect.

How I Like My Martini
Ingredients
Ice
Water
Gin
Vermouth
Olives

Fill the martini glass with ice and a little water. While the glass is getting good and cold, pour the gin (Bombay Sapphire, is my favorite) over the ice in the shaker. Pour the ice and water out of the martini glass and pour in a tiny bit of dry vermouth. Swirl the vermouth around in the glass and then pour it all out. Swish the gin and ice around in the shaker just a bit then strain it into the glass over two olives. Blue cheese-stuffed olives are amazingly good in this. I’ve been able to sweet talk more than one bartender into making them for me. For this extra effort, the tip is substantial.


Despite my pickiness, I've only sent two martinis back. One because it was made with vodka and the other because it was "dirty." I can't drink a dirty martini. It reminds me of being knocked down by a wave at the beach and getting a mouthful of briny water. In fact, I'm feeling a bit queasy just thinking about it.