Letter to a Former Friend

Dear Virginia,

You’ve been with me through some of the darkest moments of my life. You’ve also been there with me to celebrate the most joyful occasions. I can’t remember a time that you weren’t there for me. It didn’t matter what time of day or night it was; you always had time for me. You were always there and, odd as this may seem by the time you finish reading this letter, I really appreciate that.

In those times when I felt anxious or awkward, you knew just how to ease my nerves and make me relax. When I was so angry I could scream, you helped me step back and re-evaluate the situation or just blow off steam. You were there as I became an adult. You even helped ease that transition. Oh, I know you didn’t make me any more mature but you had a way of making me feel like I was.

I would have done anything for you, too. I’d get out in the nastiest weather just to pick you up and bring you to my house. I’d scrimp and save during the lean years so we could be together. I’d leave the company of my family and other friends just to be with you. In fact, I’d even give up a little of my precious time with the grandgirls just to hang out with you for a few minutes.

We had our little rituals, you and I. Tap, tap, tap, a quick spin of the wheel with my thumb, a deep inward breath followed by a relieved exhale. Even though I began to realize that you didn’t always have my best interests at heart, I still hung out with you. I still welcomed you into my home.

Over time, our relationship began to change. It wasn’t so much that I wanted to hang out with you anymore. You even started hurting me but I always forgave you and welcomed you back. Yes, I’ve been burned more than once with you. It’s just that we’ve been together so long I had trouble imagining not having you around. I’ve wondered how I’ll deal with the nervousness or anger. How can I hang out at the pool hall without you by my side?

Our relationship has caused some problems. It got to the point where my family and friends didn’t want you around, either. MrWurdi didn’t want you in the house so I started hanging out on the front porch with you. I froze my ass off in the winter and fought the bees and other flying buzzy critters in the summer just to spend time with you. My mother let you ride in the car with us but made pained grimaces and coughed meaningfully even with the window down.

I hate to break it to you but they all think you stink. No, there’s really nothing you can do about it. Cologne or perfume won’t fix it. Although I love the way you smell when I haven’t seen you in a while, even I am beginning to find your particular scent offensive.

But that’s not why I’m writing this letter. I’m not writing this letter to you because you stink or because you’ve hurt me or because I’ve spent too much money and time just to be with you. I’m not writing this letter to say how bad for me you are. You already know that. I can’t even say you didn’t warn me that you were bad news. Hell, every single time I picked you up, the message was loud and clear.

I’m writing this letter to tell you that while I may miss you in the days and weeks to come, I don’t need you in my life. Not only that, I don’t want you in my life. So, here’s your notice. I want you and your stuff out of my house, purse and car by midnight tomorrow. As of November 21, 2007, you are no longer welcome in my life. I’m sure I’ll see you from time to time but I don’t want to reconnect with you. Ever. We’re done. Good-bye, Virginia.

Smoke ‘em if ya’… erm…nevermind.

Ima Wurdibitsch

P.S. If you see those friends of yours, Salem Slim or the Marlboro Man, tell them I don’t want to see them, either.

From Ima's Kitchen - Cranberries and Sweet Potatoes

As promised yesterday, the recipe for the Bourbon-Spiked Cranberry relish (pictured above) can be found by clicking the link. It's from the folks at Farm to Philly, a group of folks who encourage eating locally.

Since I've never actually made the Bourbon-Spiked Cranberry relish, I wanted to give you a recipe for something I have made. A little history, first. We've always served sweet potatoes because my dad likes them. Sometimes, they'd be doctored up a little bit but they mostly went uneaten. One year, I found my ex-mother-in-law's recipe for sweet potato casserole and thought I'd give it a try. It couldn't hurt - after all, sweet potatoes were mostly ignored at our house.

It was really good. It disappeared. I've had to double the recipe in the years since to keep up with the demand. As you can see from the recipe, it's kind of like getting one of the desserts early.

Sweet Potato Casserole
Casserole
3 cups sweet potatoes
1/2 cup melted butter
2 eggs
1 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla
dash of salt
dash of cinnamon (I add a bit more)

Topping
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup flour
1 cup nuts (I use pecan)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Farenheit. Heat the sweet potatoes to boiling, then drain. Mix the potatoes, 1/2 cup melted butter, eggs, sugar, vanilla, salt, and cinnamon to a smooth consistency and put in a baking dish.

In a separate bowl, mix brown sugar, 1/2 cup melted butter, flour and nuts together. Spread evenly on top of sweet potato mixture and bake for 30-40 minutes.

Keep an eye on it so your nuts don't burn. You may need to lay a sheet of aluminum foil on top of it.

I Plan to Plan My Plan

This time of year, I actually get a little bit organized. I probably need to stress the little bit part. My closet still is unorganized. My winter and summer clothes are all out in various places in the house. My home office looks like a filing cabinet exploded in it. You get the point.

On Thanksgiving, everyone comes to my house. We have a group that includes our kids, grandkids, parents, friends, ex-spouses (MrWurdi's and mine) and their new spouses (just MrWurdi's because my-ex hasn't remarried), ex-step-children (when they're available) who are counted among the ones we gave birth to but for the sake of this post and clarification we'll call them that and anyone else who doesn't have other plans. We usually have between twelve and twenty people and I love it. With that large a crowd, my normal winging it for meals has to take a backseat to my rather analytical side.

I have a spreadsheet (See Figure 1.). It lists all the food items - broken down by category; i.e., appetizer, main meal, dessert. It lists the serving dish that will be used to serve it and any special preparation requirements (stuff I might forget) or the recipe itself. The final column is the list of grocery items I need to pick up at the store. Then, it's shaded if someone else is bringing that dish.

Figure One. Anal-Retentive Spreadsheet

I'm working on the timeline. There are several things I can make or start making on Wednesday. With the oven being used for the turkey, I need to plan for what needs to go in it the minute the turkey comes out. I need to figure out what I can put in the toaster oven. I have to remember to brine the turkey (I'll probably be doing a post on this later in the week. I'm a brine-pusher. It makes the turkey so flippin' good). That's not something you can do at the last minute.

I'm also pairing wine with each course. My mom will try it and might have a glass or two, my dad might put down his beer for a taste, MrWurdi will taste it and proclaim, "It tastes like wine!" and I'm hoping someone (ehem... you know who you are) will be here who might appreciate the fact that I thought about this.

My mother has agreed to make the bread dressing because MrWurdi loves it (as does -ehem-) and will be preparing a few other things that she absolutely excels at making. I'm handling the rest of the food. I'm so looking forward to it, even if we are having cranberry sauce from a can and the green bean casserole. There are some traditions you just can't break. I will be adding a few new things, including the Bourbon-Spiked Cranberry Relish - I'll be posting that recipe and a link tomorrow. If you're at all interested, here's what's on the menu. Stop by! We always have plenty of food.

Appetizers
Shrimp cocktail
Hummus (homemade, spicy 3-pepper) w/ pita chips, warm pita wedges, jicama, celery
Crab dip
Pate
Almond-stuffed dates wrapped in bacon

Thanksgiving Dinner
Turkey
Cornbread dressing
Bread dressing
Whipped potatoes
Gravy
Green bean casserole
Deviled eggs
Corn
Mixed veggie casserole
Sweet Potato casserole (my ex-Mother-in-Law's recipe)
Rolls
Cranberry sauce (from a can! with lines!) and kiwis
Bourbon-Spiked Cranberry relish
Sauerkraut (a traditional Thanksgiving dish for us)
Relish Tray (celery, olives, pickles, etc.)

Desserts
Bourbon Chocolate Macadamia pie
Pumpkin Bars
Butterscotch Trifle

55 Fiction Friday! November 16, 2007

It's late but... it's time again for 55 Fiction Friday! All the details on what it is and how to play at the end of the post. Come on, you can do it!


MrWurdi's 55 for the week:

When We're Apart
“I’ll call you and tell you goodnight,” was the dish.
Promised later, with a dollop of love.

An elaborate dish, yet hazardous offering.
If left unattended, it poisons the heart.

Yet the call comes, in the wee hours.
Like an antidote, rescue for the heart.

The banquet was saved, lusciously consumed.
Love endures, once again.


My 55 for the week:

Mission
They had a mission to accomplish. One went for supplies. The second member planned while yet another built up his strength and a fourth abstained from food. The fifth member was a weak link with an incontinence problem who pissed himself all the way home. They were the members of the This Little Piggy crew.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
55 fiction is a very, very short story of exactly 55 words. It needs to have a character, conflict and resolution.

The Wikipedia article on 55 Fiction is here and some great examples are here..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Come play! Add your story to the comments or put it on your blog and I'll link to it. It's fun. You'll like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do-It-Yourself Psychoanalysis

I was planning on writing a poem about my lack of planning for next week’s Thanksgiving Feast. Unfortunately, that particular muse is not with me today.

In honor of my new co-worker, I was going to create a How To Make A Bad First Impression on Your New Co-Workers post but I’m trying to keep from posting any specifics about my job here. It would suck to be Dooce’d.

I’d considered whining about how it’s cold here and expected to get colder but, for Pete’s sake, I live in Alafreakinbama. It could be worse.

I considered sharing some recipes but I’ve done that a lot recently so I’m trying to abstain.

Yesterday, my topic was “I’m Just Not Feeling It.” Today, I could write the same thing. So, I’ve been thinking about that. You know, a little of that Do-It-Yourself-Psychoanalysis. Here’s what I think is happening:

There’s nothing really wrong with me, yet I’m in a major funk. I don’t feel like I have the energy for a good rant and, believe me, there’s fodder for one. I am normally a very (obnoxiously, even) upbeat person. I’ve been out in the sunshine. ~sigh~ My weight is down. ~okay~ I have good music on my iPod and just recently figured out how to play it in the car. ~cool~

Everything is pretty good in my life but I’m overwhelmed with ennui.

I think I figured it out.

CHANTIX.

Don’t get me wrong, I think Chantix is great. I believe I’m really going to finally quit smoking for good. I’ve already noticed that even when I do smoke, I end up putting it out after just a few drags.

Chantix supposedly blocks the nicotine pleasure receptors in your brain. This stuff, because it keeps the nicotine from reaching those receptors (and releasing dopamine), makes that pleasure disappear. If I'm not getting any dopamine release from the nicotine, all I'm left with is the stench and the habit.

Apparently, I was getting A LOT of pleasure from cigarettes. MrWurdi said something that made sense to me. Since my brain isn’t getting what it needs to feed that addiction to the pleasure/dopamine, I’m already going through withdrawal even though I’m still smoking.

I’m hoping this means that by next week, the worst of it will be over. I just realized that I planned my quit day to be the day before Thanksgiving. That wasn’t too bright. Or, maybe it was.

I'm Not Feeling It

*
*
*
Dreary Day Haiku
Gray clouds overhead
Coupled with not enough sleep
I'm cranky and glum
*
*
*


********
Chantix update: Although I don't think the medicine is built up enough to be making a difference, I'm smoking less. I'm also experiencing one of the major side effects: Nausea. That's not so much fun but, maybe, it will help keep me from gaining weight as I quit.

...And Awa-a-a-a-y We Go!

I started taking the Chantix today. I've heard so many good stories about how effective it is. So, I'm very hopeful that this time will be it and I'll finally kick cigarettes to the curb once and for all.

I think it's time. I'm not (yet) feeling that panic I normally start to feel at the thought of giving them up for good. I've, as suggested, picked a quit date: November 21, 2007 - next Wednesday. The literature tells me that I might feel like giving them up before then and that's okay. In the past, the quit date has loomed ominously and I've smoked almost frantically up until that date. I don't feel that need or desire this time.

It will be interesting to see how I feel at the beginning of next week. I'll keep you posted.

From Ima's Kitchen - Hearty Chicken and Corn Chowder with CORE-nbread

As mentioned previously, I'm doing Weight Watcher's Core Plan. Because there are certain foods allowed on the Core plan, I'm always on the lookout for recipes that fit my plan. If a recipe is close enough, I'll modify it to fit or just "count" the non-Core ingredients.

The following recipe (modified quite a bit from a friend's recipe) is Core, as is the Core-nbread recipe (just substitutions to make it be Core) that follows. Neither taste like "diet food."


Hearty Chicken and Corn Chowder

1 tsp olive oil
1 tsp onion powder (you could use an onion but MrWurdi has texture issues with onion, so I use powder or pureed onion)
1 clove garlic, minced
1 roasted red bell pepper, diced
1 15 oz. can diced potato
1 small can chopped green chiles
1 1/2 C fat-free chicken broth
1 C evaporated skim milk
10 oz skinless, bonelss chicken breasts, diced
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper
2 C frozen corn kernels

In a medium saucepan, heat the oil until hot but not smoking, over medium heat. Add the onion, garlic, roasted red pepper, green chiles and potato. Cover and cook, stirring occasionally, about 5 mins. Stir in the broth and evaporated milk. Bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer. Cook, uncovered, stirring occasionally, for 10 minutes.

Stir in the diced chicken, salt and black pepper, and cook until the chicken is cooked through, about 5 mins. Stir in the corn kernels and cook until the corn is just heated through, about 2 minutes longer. Ladle the chowder into bowls and serve with cornbread.

Makes 4 servings


I made this ahead of time and put it in a crockpot to heat the day we were going to eat it. It was very good. The next time I make it, I will "mash" up some of the corn and potato to get a slightly thicker consistency. The original recipe called for creamed corn but since it's not Core, I didn't use it.

For the Core-nbread, I just use the recipe on the bag of cornmeal and use skim milk instead of regular and substitute applesauce for the oil. You can't taste the applesauce at all.

Weekend Haiku Review

Old friends seen again
Truth clouded, revealed anew
Peace and happiness


It's funny how we can lose sight of what is authentic to ourselves, what's real, and what is integral to who we are. Sometimes, it's the simple things that revitalize us and make us cut loose the minutiae of our day-to-day and see clearly.

Sometimes, that simple thing is a romp in the woods.


~much thanks to the weekend speaker for helping clear the cloudy lens~

Random Thought #9

There are two good reasons for clothing.

1. Extremely cold weather.
2. Wicker furniture.



Frolicking in the woods but still finding a way to keep NaBloPoMoing.

55 Fiction Friday! November 9, 2007

It's time again for 55 Fiction Friday! Details on what it is and how to play at the end of the post. Come on, you can do it!


MrWurdi's 55 for the week:

Parodying the Parody
And I've been lift’n and tote’n so long that
Everyone thinks that my back is gone
A man with a plan, I'm into discipline
Got a whip in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if you finish all my chores and you finish thine

This weekend we're gonna party like it's 1699


My 55 for the week:

Dilemma
He frowned. Squinting, as the sun rose higher in the sky, he sighed deeply and paced impatiently. This was supposed to be the start of a great weekend. Unfortunately, circumstances beyond his control were conspiring against him.

His woman was running late. Again. She had to write her 55 fiction and she had writer’s block.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
55 fiction is a very, very short story of exactly 55 words. It needs to have a character, conflict and resolution.

The Wikipedia article on 55 Fiction is here and some great examples are here..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Come play! Add your story to the comments or put it on your blog and I'll link to it. It's fun. You'll like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here We Go Again - The Final Chapter

I've failed at this too many times. I will succeed this time.

I'm quitting smoking. Again. Finally. For good.

As I've said before, not counting a few unremarkable, short-term quits and one three-month quit, I’ve been smoking for over 26 years. That’s a long time and a lot of money - not to mention what it’s done to me health-wise.

So, I’m quitting.

I went to the doctor today. I got a prescription for Chantix. They say it has a 70% effectiveness rate. I'll let you know how that works out for me.

Behold, the Power of Cheese!

The following cartoon is from the archives of one of my favorite places to visit on the Internet when I need a good chuckle. I hope you enjoy it.

What A Bitch!

A few years ago, I was deliberately mean to someone.

I’m not talking about unintentionally hurting someone through a misunderstanding. Nor am I talking about physical hurt, either. For many, many reasons, I don’t do that. I’m talking about the deliberate, malicious, hurting of someone because that was my intent. I’m talking about hurting someone emotionally – of getting to that vulnerable part of someone and twisting them up inside in a way that hurts so badly they’ll never risk pissing you off again.

In my opinion, this particular woman had wronged me and she deserved whatever it was she got. So, I thought about it. I thought about what would hurt her the most and, when I had the opportunity, I did it. I really hurt her. I felt so justified in my meanness. I felt no guilt because, after all, she’d hurt me. That made it right; she deserved it. Right?

Wrong.

It took a few years before I realized I was wrong. In those years, I would gleefully recall my vindictive meanness. With pompous self-righteousness, I would justify my actions to myself and anyone who knew about what I’d done. I had every right – No, I deserved – to treat her as I did. I was still lily-white. She made me be mean.

One day, I dug a little deeper. I thought about what she’d done and what I’d done and how I’d justified it all those years. I thought about how I’d convinced myself that what she’d done made what I did okay. Except it didn’t. Sure, she hurt me and I’d used that as my excuse to hurt her – to be mean. She made me be mean? Bullshit. She didn’t make me be mean. That meanness was and is part of who I am. She was just the excuse for letting it out in the open.

I was horrified.

I’ve always considered myself to be a kind person. In high school, I was the teenage “Dear Abby.” I stood up for the underdog. I helped people. I rarely gossiped. I’d once written in a journal that if I died tomorrow, more than being funny or smart or anything else, I would want people to say that I was kind.

Kind people don’t maliciously hurt other people. No matter what.

It was a hard realization, this understanding that I could be that mean. I didn’t want to accept that about myself. Mean. Me. Hateful, spiteful, malicious, and mean. Me. Unfortunately, I’ve been on a never-ending quest for truth so I had to accept it.

When I got over the massive pity party of realizing I was so awful, I called the woman I’d hurt. I asked her if she’d consider meeting with me for a cup of coffee or something. She was, understandably, cautious but still agreed to come.

I apologized to her. I apologized sincerely and wholeheartedly. She, hesitantly, accepted my apology. She also tried to explain what she’d done and why and that she hadn’t meant to hurt me with her actions. Truth be told, I didn’t care about that. It didn’t matter whether she meant to hurt me or not. I can only be responsible for my actions. Only I can determine whether I will be kind or mean in any situation. Whether she meant it or not, I was hurt. That didn’t justify my being mean to her – or to anyone.

There may be a part of me that is hateful, spiteful, malicious, and mean but I get to decide if that’s how I will act. I have accepted that part of myself but I don’t let it define me or my actions. I choose, everyday, to be kind. Some days, that’s harder than others but the alternative is not acceptable to me.

I may be a wordy bitch but I am no longer a deliberate bitch.

Room 101

George Orwell’s novel, 1984, is a bleak and scarily prophetic look at the future, one where Big Brother watches everything you do. Your neighbors, children, and the two-way telescreens monitor your actions to ensure you do not commit “thoughtcrime.” Punishment for committing thoughtcrime is torture and, eventually, death. The torture is part of the re-education of the criminal. You see, you shouldn’t execute someone until they’ve renounced their criminal ways.

Why, you may ask, am I telling you about such a dark, creepy book? Two reasons. One, I really like it. Despite the dark, hopelessness of the tale, it’s a great book. The other reason, there’s a fantastic blog post topic in it!

The ultimate torture for everyone is Room 101. How can the ultimate torture be the same for everyone? Room 101 is where your greatest fear is forced upon you. Since everything you do your whole life is monitored by the government, they know exactly what would be the worst for you. For the main character, Winston, it’s rats. Cage on his head. Rats in the cage. This is doubleplusungood. If you want more details, go read the book.

My Room 101?

That would be being forced to eat pickled beets at the mall while listening to Celine Dion. Add some unruly children screeching all around me and I’d be willing to do just about anything to escape.

So, what’s your Room 101?

Lazy Sunday Haiku

Sleep late; brunch at will.
Don't be at all productive.
Make sure to take naps.



I feel refreshed.

From Ima's Kitchen - Spicy Turkey Sausage

I love puttering around in the kitchen. Even when I'm exhausted, something about cooking appeals to me. Plus, I like to eat. I really enjoy food. As I've mentioned in the past, I do Weight Watchers. Right now, I'm doing their Core plan.

I made the recipe below earlier this week. We sampled a few patties. Wow. This stuff is really, really good. I'll be experimenting with the recipe over the next few weeks and months. I think a chicken, apple, fennel sausage will be next. In the meantime, you might want to try this one. It's unbelievably easy to make and as good as, if not better, than any sausage from the grocery store.

Spicy Turkey Sausage
1 lb. Lean Ground Turkey Breast
2 Tablespoons Onion, chopped finely
4 Cloves Garlic, minced
1/2 Tablespoon Sage
1/2 Tablespoon Thyme
1/4 Tablespoon Allspice
1/2 Tablespoon Salt
1 1/2 teaspoons Cayenne Pepper (less if you don't like hot and spicy)
1/2 Tablespoon Black Pepper

Mix all ingredients together. Using a 1/4 measuring cup, scoop out the sausage to make balls. Place each ball between 2 pieces of wax paper and flatten with the underside of a plate to desired thickness. Cook in a skillet coated with nonstick spray over medium heat until no longer pink.

Note: This is pretty spicy (hot), but you could cut down on the cayenne pepper if you don't like really spicy sausage. You don't have to cook all of the sausage at once. Just freeze each sausage patty between 2 pieces of wax paper and place inside a zip lock freezer bag. Store in the refrigerator for up to 5 days or freeze. When you're ready to cook, simply defrost and follow the cooking directions above.

Serves: 8
Per Serving: 90 Calories; 5g Fat (48.3% calories from fat); 10g Protein; 1g Carbohydrate; trace Dietary Fiber; 45mg Cholesterol; 454mg Sodium.

Core or 2 Points


We're having this with breakfast tomorrow.

55 Fiction Friday! November 2, 2007

It's time again for 55 Fiction Friday! Details on what it is and how to play at the end of the post. Come on, you can do it!


MrWurdi's 55 for the week:

Mirror, Mirror
Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a way to look into a brighter, improved universe?
A way to focus on goals to work towards, a way to see things like they are now but just a little better?
At least that would explain why I think this looks good on me in the mirror.


My 55 for the week:

I’ll Take What’s Behind Door Number Two
Reluctantly pulled from sleep by the need to relieve myself of beverages consumed earlier, I groggily regard the shadowy shapes in the unfamiliar hotel room. I shuffle, nude, through the darkness to the bathroom. As the door swings shut and locks behind me, horrified realization breaks through my sleep-addled mind.

“I’m in the hotel hallway.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
55 fiction is a very, very short story of exactly 55 words. It needs to have a character, conflict and resolution.

The Wikipedia article on 55 Fiction is here and some great examples are here..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Come play! Add your story to the comments or put it on your blog and I'll link to it. It's fun. You'll like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NaBloPoMo

This is my first post in nearly a week so I'm having a hard time believing I'm doing this but...

I'm participating in National Blog Posting Month (aka NaBloPoMo). This is how it works. You have to post every day for the entire month of November. Every day. Weekends, too.

I'm already a little concerned. I don't know if I'll have internet access next Saturday but I'm trying to work out that whole telekinesis thing. Other than that, you'll be able to read new meaningless drivel every single day! Aren't you excited? I know I am.

We'll continue with 55 Fiction Friday and I'm sure there'll be a haiku or two. Some folks come up with a theme for the month. I'm currently undecided. Lydia from Nothing Rhymes with Lydia, Well Except That... is doing NaBloPoMo and has a great daily plan. Go check her out and leave a comment!

55 Fiction Friday! October 26, 2007.

It's time again for 55 Fiction Friday! Details on what it is and how to play at the end of the post. Come on, you can do it!

My 55 for the week
A Different Kind of Love
He held her, their bodies tightly fitted together. His hand wrapped around her neck, fingers pressing. The other moving quickly to that opening at her body’s center. His fingers, at first tentative, began moving decisively, coaxing response. She moaned, each sound a declaration of love.

That’s how it was with B. B. King and Lucille.



MrWurdi's 55 for the week:
Evening's Pleasure
Time to put her up for the evening, I have that desire again. She doesn’t want to go, long hours of toil only for it to start again so soon. Awake it’s all about points, when she’s unconscious… pure sweetness. At last she is secured in her dream state.

Now I can make Rice pudding!


(I love this one! I've been working crazy hours and struggling to not give in to the lure of high point foods that aren't Weight Watcher friendly. MrWurdi has been encouraging me to get enough sleep. I thought he was worried about me. Turns out all he wanted was dessert and didn't want to tempt me! Hee-hee!)


CaveBtch aka the worm eater has not only FINALLY commented on the How To post, she's also decided to play along with 55 Fiction
Untitled
Struggling for breath, tears filling my eyes, I cry out in pain.
The searing, white hot pain is so intense that cramps grip my body. Writhing in agony I promise myself that I will never allow this again. A sob escapes my lips and I taste the salt of my own tears.

Damn habanero chili!




CaveBtch, I have, also, suffered the wicked kiss of hot pepper. I always say, "Never again," but the lure of the heat is too much.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
55 fiction is a very, very short story of exactly 55 words. It needs to have a character, conflict and resolution.

The Wikipedia article on 55 Fiction is here and some great examples are here..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Come play! Add your story to the comments or put it on your blog and I'll link to it. It's fun. You'll like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More Gifts From The Internet

I'm sure my local friends are going to make comments to the How To post soon. I'm sure of it. Really. I have local friends. Not just internet friends. I do. Really. And they're not imaginary or invisible.

Where is my tinfoil hat??

In the meantime, a favorite of bloggers around the world...a few of the Google searches that lead to The Wordy Bitch.

(gmilf or ggmilf) submission - Erm. I think we did the first part of this already but the submission part is new. Either some twisted mind out there wants to lick some granny boots or someone wants to spank the elderly. Now that's kinky.


poem about boobs -
A literary boob afficianado!
How it makes me smile
Come and read my blog a bit
I'm sure it will make you smile

Boobs are mentioned frequently
But most often in September
Please put it on your calendar
In case you don't remember.

paddle faster (i hear banjo music) t-shirt - Deliverance. Squealing. Fear. I'm not even a guy and that's scary. I did see this t-shirt and blogged about it in a post by this name.

get it bitch in Spanish - Well, isn't that rude?

zyban heartache - The love of my life, MrWurdi, despises smoking. DESPISES it, I tell you. Because it worked once before, I tried Zyban to help me quit again. It didn't work this time. Zyban heartache, indeed.

may you have an interesting life - I do! I also posted about this a few months ago. My Interesting Life post explains the phrase and also includes the start of my Zyban heartache.

irritate people - I would love to talk to this person. Do they want to know how? I could completely do a "how to irritate people" post by using examples from those who have irritated me. I think, though, that Google might not like me. I mean, gee, someone types "irritate people" and Wordy Bitch comes up? I admit, this made me curious so I went and Googled the phrase. The Wordy Bitch shows up on PAGE TEN. This person is doing some in-depth research. I'm impressed. And frightened.

a poem of haiku -
Technically so:
A haiku is a poem
Three lines? Rhyming's hard.

For you, I found time
With my words and syllables
This haiku does rhyme.

(Haikus are three lines long with lines formed as follows: 5 syllables/7 syllables/5 syllables)

HOW TO: Post a Comment

Several local folks have mentioned that they'd like to leave a comment but aren't sure how. I'm going to tell you! Now, there's no excuse.

STEP ONE
Click on the comment link at the bottom of the post.
You'll see a page that looks like this:


STEP TWO
Type in your comment. Then (BONUS TIP!), highlight all of your comment and press CTRL & C at the same time. This will copy your comment to your computer's clipboard. If something goes wrong with your post attempt, you won't have to re-type your comment!

STEP THREE
Go to the Choose an Identity portion of the comment area.

Option 1: If you have a Google or Blogger account, you can leave it on the default setting:

Then, type in your user name and password and it will automatically link to your blog when you post your comment.

Option 2: If you blog somewhere else or have a MySpace account or a webpage, you can select "Other" for your identity.

Then, type in the name you wish to use and the web address for your site.
You can also use this option if you don't have a webpage but wish to post under your name (instead of anonymously). Just type your name and don't put anything under the web address field.

Option 3: You can enter your comment anonymously. Just enter your comment and click that button.

STEP FOUR:
Click the orange button that says, "Publish Your Comment."


That's it. It's that easy.

Now, test my instructions! Leave a comment. Please? You can do-o-o-o-o it!

I've Been Tagged

I've been tagged. Being tagged is when someone does a little question/answer type thing and then has other bloggers do it, too. The topic is "5 things that I do, did or like that I’m proud of, but that others may think are totally lame. Plus, I get to tag 5 people to do the same."

Phishez at Sanity Optional tagged me and I like her so here are my responses.

• I've modified a bunch of recipes so they're Core. Core is a Weight Watchers plan where you eat healthy, non-processed foods.

• I have become a huge fan of Stargate SG-1 and watch old episodes a lot.

• My taste in music is really diverse. I like something from just about every genre.

• I love monkeys and collect things with monkeys on them.

• I really do believe the best of everyone until the prove me wrong. Repeatedly.

Lame? Probably. This is very much like a chain letter kind of thing and I normally find them rather lame, too, but I did kind of like this one. So, now I have to tag five people to do this. I choose MrsStevens, Katia, SGT, Marcia and Danielle, the Hor Blogger.

55 Fiction Friday! October 19, 2007

It's time again for 55 Fiction Friday! Details on what it is and how to play at the end of the post. Come on, you can do it!

My 55 for the week
Advice
Advice comes from many sources: the wise man on the mountain, the academic advisor, career planners, best friends, parents, psychics, self-help books, and television talk show hosts.

Lately, my schedule lends itself only to my old, reliable standby. I query my trusted advisor and the answer is given, “Cannot predict now.”

Damn you, Magic 8-Ball!


MrWurdi's 55 for the week:
The Bank
The flurry of noise - now unnervingly silent. No papers ruffling, no chatter, no doors swinging. One in each corner, one on the counter, masks, guns, screaming orders break the silence. I’m trying to disappear under this bank slip table… Someone runs… “BAM BAM!”

“Cut! Look scared, people; look serious, robbers… damn… From the top!”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
55 fiction is a very, very short story of exactly 55 words. It needs to have a character, conflict and resolution.

The Wikipedia article on 55 Fiction is here and some great examples are here..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Come play! Add your story to the comments or put it on your blog and I'll link to it. It's fun. You'll like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why I Write Poems...

I've always had a knack for rhyming poetry. I enjoy it and, I'm told, I'm pretty good at putting something cute together. I get requests for invitations and homemade cards and the like. I fully credit my early reading experiences for this ability.

When I was a kid, my dad was in the military and we lived in places where television stations were not only limited but frequently in a different language. My mother subscribed to a service that sent books to our house. Dr. Seuss was a huge favorite. She'd read the book to us once or twice and then I'd read the story over and over to my brother. Because of Mom and Dr. Seuss, I learned to read when I was four. I've also carried the nickname "Cindy Lou Who" because of my love of the Grinch and fondness for Whoville types. In addition to the rhyming, I think my outlook on life has also been greatly influenced by the work of the good Mr. Geisel, the creator of Dr. Seuss.

In "Two Words. No Explanation." one of my favorite bloggers, Driving With The Brakes On, gave the answer, "Dr. Seuss," for the favorite book line. It reminded me that I'd written a poem about my Seussiousness a while back. I went hunting, found it, and am posting it now for your amusement and/or ridicule.


Dr. Seuss
I have loved Dr. Seuss from the moment I met him.
His books were the greatest when my mother read 'em.
She'd go to the mailbox and there she would find
The best books ever written -- the Dr. Seuss kind!

I learned how to read them when I was just four
I'd read them three times, then I'd read them some more.
His rhymes they were lively and filled with excitement.
I'd read to my brother; his eyes filled with delightment!

Seuss made up new words when the regular failed.
His fantastic new creatures were richly detailed.
Far away places with strange sounding names,
Star-bellied sneetches playing odd, sneetchy games.

He introduced fear with a Christmas-time terror.
The Grinch was a mean one, not a glad tidings bearer.
He struck fear in the hearts of the happy Who people.
From the houses on main street to the church's tall steeple.

But a moral could always be found in his tales.
Even when the suspense had you biting your nails.
He taught of acceptance and laughter and knowing.
Of hearts that were tiny but soon began growing.

He told us that all is not all that it seems
That even the mean ones have hopes and dreams.
The lessons I learned from the good Dr. Seuss
Have helped me to put my own thoughts to good use.

I look for the best in all the folks that I meet
I'm an eternal optimist with wings on my feet.
I believe that all people: mean, nice, young or old
Might just end up having a heart made of gold.

The unfortunate fate that I suffer's quite clear, though
I put strange words together in an odd kind of lingo
I find that rhyming has become a therapy of sorts
And throw poems together by the seat of my shorts!

Random Thought #8

Setting a public goal is a good way to guarantee much difficulty in achieving the goal.

Two Words. No explanation.

A new reader of The Wordy Bitch, Effortlessly Average, did this recently at his site and although he deemed it insipid, I kind of liked it. Please feel free to add your series of two words in the comments.

Two words. No explanations.
1. Yourself: Definitely different,
2. Your significant other: Evolved, sexy
3. Your hair: long, blonde
4. Your mother: devout, loving
5. Your father: inspiration, warning
6. Your favorite item: black jacket
7. Your dream last night: weird, random
8. Your favorite drink: Diet Dew
9. Your dream car: Black Corvette
10. The room you are in: Noisy office
11. Your ex: Redneck; Liar
12. Your fear: limited time
13. What you want to be in 10 years: happily retired
14. Who you hung out with last night: Mister Wurdi
15. What you're not: mean, dishonest
16. Muffins: tight pants
17. One of your wish list items: winning lottery
18. Time: not enough
19. The last thing you did: typed answer
20. What you are wearing: killer shoes
21. Your favorite weather: sunny, warm
22. Your favorite book: Erica Jong
23. The last thing you ate: raw carrots
24. Your life: full, happy
25. Your mood: content, hopeful
26. Your best friend: Mister Wurdi
27. What you're thinking about right now: going home
28. Your car: black Corvette
29. What you are doing at the moment: blogging, thinking
30. Your summer: hot, humid
31. Your relationship status: best ever
32. What is on your TV: forensics show
33. What is the weather like: sunny, cool
34. When was the last time you laughed: one hour
35. Your mood: already stated

55 Fiction Friday! October 12, 2007

It's time again for 55 Fiction Friday! Details on what it is and how to play at the end of the post.

We'd discussed having a topic for each week and, while it seemed like a good idea at the time, I really like the way everyone has a different story each week or how the ideas flow from one person to the next. Having a topic of the week might interfere with Guinness74 and his ongoing 55 Fiction about Jonas. If anyone would like a topic for next week, ask in the comments and I'll give a personal and specific one.


MrWurdi's 55 for the week:
In the Dark of the Night
Briskly walking to where she is tied, he tosses the blanket exposing her dark skin. Touching her, calming her, watching her breathing, and as she exhales he tightens the leather strap. He plans to ride her long and hard into the night. Straddling her, whip in hand, it begins.

The historic ride of Paul Revere.


CaveBtch has decided to join us!
She scrubbed away at herself in disgust. The longing was becoming unbearable and self abuse was an excercise in loneliness. All those nights she'd lain awake wondering what it would be like and all she had to show for it was bags under her eyes. Damn, you can wash away many things, desire isn't one.


Here’s my 55 for the week
Topless
She took off her top and felt the sun’s warm rays caress the bare skin of her body. Delicious shivers raced through her as an unexpectedly cool breeze caught her unaware. She couldn’t help casting surreptitious glances to see if anyone was watching her, exposed like this, but she felt safe in her t-top Corvette.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
55 fiction is a very, very short story of exactly 55 words. It needs to have a character, conflict and resolution.

The Wikipedia article on 55 Fiction is here and some great examples are here..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Come play! Add your story to the comments or put it on your blog and I'll link to it. It's fun. You'll like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Excuses, excuses

Have you heard of Eric Hoffer? During the time his peers were writing about the benefits of having good self-esteem, Hoffer wrote about the consequences of not having good self-esteem. He wrote about the danger of fanaticism and self-righteousness. He wrote about how important it is to have meaning in one’s own life to avoid obsessing about the other people and things outside of one’s control. He was a pretty smart guy.

I’d like to share with you what Mr. Hoffer said about excuses:

There are many who find a good alibi far more attractive than an achievement. For an achievement does not settle anything permanently. We still have to prove our worth anew each day: we have to prove that we are as good today as we were yesterday. But when we have a valid alibi for not achieving anything we are fixed, so to speak, for life. Moreover, when we have an alibi for not writing a book, painting a picture, and so on, we have an alibi for not writing the greatest book and not painting the greatest picture. Small wonder that the effort expended and the punishment endured in obtaining a good alibi often exceed the effort and grief requisite for the attainment of a most marked achievement.

I claim to write, yet days go by in which I write nothing. Why is this? Fear of failure? Perhaps. When I go back and read things I’ve written, I can always find room for improvement. When I put things out here for the world to read, I want for them to entertain or inform or inspire.

I always have a good excuse for not posting. I’m too busy at work or I’m sick (this week’s excuse).

Sometimes, I worry that what I have to say isn’t good enough. Oh, I usually get the grammar and spelling close enough but I know I switch tenses like I’m caught in a time machine gone mad. That’s not what I’m blathering on about…what if you come here and read what I’ve posted and it doesn’t do anything for you? What if ~gasp~ it bores you? What if you feel you wasted your time coming here? Horrors.

Sure, I do this blog thing for me and I’d probably do it even if no one ever read it or commented. It’s just that sometimes it’s a whole lot easier to make the excuses. If it weren’t for 55 Fiction Fridays, there would have been weeks without a new post. Stale blog = sadness blog. Thanks to those of you who’ve been playing along with 55 Fiction Friday, it doesn’t matter how busy or how sick or how filled with excuses I may find myself, I find time to make that one post a week. No excuses there.

I hesitate to do this. I can have a goal but as long as I don’t say it (post it) out loud, it doesn’t count (except in that whole internal debate/berate thing). So. Ehem. Um. Here it is.

I will post at least three times a week from this point forward. It might just be a quote or a haiku or who knows what but I will.

Feel free to publicly scold me if I fail to meet my goal.

Haiked Up Recipe - Omelet

When my friend, CaveBtch, challenged me to post a recipe written in haiku form, I responded with Haiked Up Recipe - Pear Clafoutis. I returned the challenge to her and she responded with the following.


Omelet
Three eggs, cracked, in bowl
Whip firmly until frothy
Put aside for now

Cut small chunk butter
Heat in pan until golden
Pour the eggs in pan

Take a spatula
Heatproof silicone is best
This is important

With your spatula
Pull cooked eggs into middle
Raw egg runs to sides

Cook until just set
Swirl pan firmly, eggs spin free
Ready to commit?

You are committed
Tossing omelet into air
Watch the pretty flight

Catching eggs is hard
But not for the committed
Opposite side cooks

Cheese is added now
Melting and lovely the cheese
Slide omelet on plate

Eat with great gusto
The beautiful prize you cooked
God, no ketchup please

55 Fiction Friday! October 5, 2007

It's time again for 55 Fiction Friday! Details on what it is and how to play at the end of the post.

I humbly apologize for my lack of posting this week. Unfortunately, until I find a way to blog and/or write for a living, I must continue to slave away for The Man. We’ll try the 55 Topic of the Week next time.

Here’s my 55 for the week
Politics
I asked Granddaddy if he was going to vote for our neighbor, Mr. Williams, in the city election. He, adamantly, stated he would not. Stunned, because I knew my grandfather thought highly of Mr. Williams, I asked why.

“Why would I want to vote for him? He’s a good man now. Politics will ruin that.”



MrWurdi's 55 for the week:
Untitled
The principles of lust are easy to understand.

The rhythm of the music
The dancing light of candles
The crack of the whip
The line drawn in the flesh
The gasp for air
The delicious orgasm
The body going limp

“Beautiful! Are you a Master?”
“No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express.”




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
55 fiction is a very, very short story of exactly 55 words. It needs to have a character, conflict and resolution.

The Wikipedia article on 55 Fiction is here and some great examples are here..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Come play! Add your story to the comments or put it on your blog and I'll link to it. It's fun. You'll like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

55 Fiction Friday! September 28, 2007

It's time again for 55 Fiction Friday!
Quick explanation: 55 fiction is a very, very short story of exactly 55 words. It needs to have a character, conflict and resolution.

The Wikipedia article on 55 Fiction is here and some great examples are here..

If you'd like to play along, I tell you how at the end of this post.


One of KyLydia's friends, Guinness74, has started playing with us! Here's his 55!
Jonas slumped silently in the kitchen chair; a glazed stare blurred the clock on the microwave. His nearly empty beer bottle dangled precariously from his fingers as he pondered the burning steak on the grill outside. Lyle Lovett sang about Ensenada in the background. Nothing mattered anymore, she was gone and he was alone.

(Sneaky, trying to put it in the comments section of a three week old 55!)

Go check out Lydia's blog for her very funny 55 , Sadness Television, this week!


UPDATE-UPDATE-UPDATE-UPDATE-UPDATE-UPDATE-UPDATE-UPDATE
MrWurdi's 55 for the week:
Untitled
I was sitting down, strapped to my seat. I was pulling and pushing, right then left - screaming as everything passed before me. I had been in tight places before but this was the tightest yet. I had to keep control or lose it all. I’m almost there…

Ah, yes, this air race is mine!


Here’s my 55 for the week
Rude Awakening
The warm cocoon of sleep cradled her. Suddenly, crushing pain and muffled cries interrupted her slumber.

“Give me the freaking drugs,” she heard, faintly. “I want my drugs NOW!”

The dark pressure gave way to blinding light and a rude fellow manhandling her delicate body before smacking her on the ass.

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl!



(Today is my daughter's birthday.)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Come play! Add your story to the comments or put it on your blog and I'll link to it. It's fun. You'll like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What Can One Person Do?

When a task seems so daunting you don't even know where to start, the question of "What can I do?" might discourage you from even trying. Let me tell you what one person can do. One person can have an idea and share that idea with another person. From there, it grows until "just one person" turns into a team with a mission.

Susan G. Komen's sister, Nancy Brinker, made a promise. As her sister was losing her battle with breast cancer, Nancy promised to do what she could to warn women that breast cancer can strike unexpectedly and that mammograms and breast self-examinations can save lives. Nancy started the Susan G. Komen for the Cure foundation and has made huge strides in research, education, and assistance.

Where does the money raised go? What does it do? It provides meals to families dealing with breast cancer; it provides breast cancer patients with transportation to and from treatment; it helps underserved patients receive medication and mammograms; and it helps patients get prostheses or wigs. It funds research. It provides for education and awareness. It matters. Every penny matters. Each "just one person" who does something, anything, makes a difference.

Is it all serious? No. There was much laughter and celebration associated with the race weekend. Survivors were cheered, friends reunited, fake boobs dispensed, cookies eaten, money raised. Lots of money. As the matching funds come in over the next few weeks, that dollar amount will rise. A screen shot of the TeamGDT page is below.



I'm so proud to be a part of this cause. I AM THE CURE!

55 Fiction Friday! September 21, 2007

It's time again for 55 Fiction Friday!
Quick explanation: 55 fiction is a very, very short story of exactly 55 words. It needs to have a character, conflict and resolution.

The Wikipedia article on 55 Fiction is here and some great examples are here..

If you'd like to play along, I tell you how at the end of this post.



Phishez at Sanity Optional has offered up a 55.
His skin slides over her damp skin. Everywhere he touches feels instantly hot. And instantly cool when he moves away. It is all she can feel. He pushes into her. She moans. Her back arches and fingers scrabble uselessly against his shoulders. With one final thrust he shudders and is still. It is all over.

***** Well done, you naughty gal!


MrWurdi's 55 for the week:
One if by Weight, Two if by Volume
Everything has such a tight tolerance. Some by weight; some by volume, you would think for such a precise chemical bonding someone would standardize all of this. All these charts to consult, making sure the right measure and the right elements. Mixing, blending, heating, cooling, and proper timing.

Chemistry’s very important; coconut cake’s a bitch!


Here’s my 55 for the week – inspired by Phishez hot, sexy shortie.
Touching Moment
I’d noticed him watching me earlier. Now, hot hands glide over my body, touching every part of me, giving equal attention to every curve. My legs spread, my nerves taut, I wait for the next touch. I’m so vulnerable, so exposed.

When you’re in a dating slump, getting through airport security can actually be fun.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Come play! Add your story to the comments or put it on your blog and I'll link to it. It's fun. You'll like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~************************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*********************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I’m on my way to Boston for the Susan G. Komen 5K Race for the Cure this weekend. When I last checked, TeamGDT had a fund-raising total of $86,452! Thank you for the kind words and donations. I’ll give an update next week.
********************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***********************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~********************

The Trail of Tears

This past weekend was the Trail of Tears remembrance ride. MrWurdi and I were on one of an estimated 150,000 motorcycles that made the approximately 200 mile trip from Chattanooga, TN to Florence, AL. The line of motorcycles stretched for about 50 miles.



From the Official Trail of Tears Motorcycle Ride Website:

The Annual Trail of Tears Motorcycle Ride was started in 1994 by Bill Cason to mark one of the trails used during the 1838 removal of Native Americans from their homelands in the Southeast to Oklahoma. The ride started at Ross’s Landing in Chattanooga, TN with eight riders and ended with 100 riders in Waterloo, AL. The ride has now grown to over 150,000 riders, making it the largest organized motorcycle ride in the world.

I know I don’t have the words to adequately express how amazing it was to be a part of this. People lined the streets in the towns we traveled through and people who live along the route sat or stood in their front yards to wave at and cheer the passing line of motorcycles. Other motorcyclists waited for their chance to join the line.


As we crossed bridges, we saw people who’d come out on their boats to watch the procession.




American flags were seen in abundance as well as many tribal flags from the various Indian nations represented. The flags flew from overpasses, motorcycles, and vehicles parked alongside Highway 72.


The main ride stopped in Madison, AL for lunch while our group broke off to stop at a friend’s co-workers house. They hold a cookout each year in their front yard located on the Trail of Tears Corridor. From the side of the road, we were able to see the front of the ride – something we couldn’t see from our initial position, some ten miles back in the line.

When we arrived at McFarland Park in Florence, AL, MrWurdi described it as “the Woodstock of chrome and leather.”


At the park, a pow wow was held that included an opening ceremony, war dances, and an honoring of warriors – including U.S. veterans from various wars.


One of the tribal leaders made an announcement prior to the honoring ceremonies. He asked everyone to stand in honor of the warriors and to refrain from taking photos during that time. Later, when permission for photography was given, I was able to get a few pictures of the war dances. The drumming, singing and dancing gave a glimpse of what it must have been like so many years ago.

Although most of what happened was wonderful, I did get angry at one point. Not only did one woman completely disregard the request for no photos, she actually called out to one of the participants, asking him to pose. Disgraceful. The couple in front of us were sitting, eating their funnel cakes, and chatting. Damn it. These men and women risked their lives for their country and you can’t stop running and filling your mouths for 10 minutes to show them a little respect? A loud throat clearing on my part stopped the chitter-chatter but their lack of respect for the warriors infuriated me.

The weekend was unforgettable. Next year, I hope that MrWurdi and I are able to not only participate as much as we did this year but to continue on to Oklahoma for the rest of the ride.

55 Fiction Friday! September 14, 2007

It's time again for 55 Fiction Friday!
Quick explanation: 55 fiction is a very, very short story of exactly 55 words. It needs to have a character, conflict and resolution.

The Wikipedia article on 55 Fiction is here and some great examples are here..

If you'd like to play along, I tell you how at the end of this post.



CaveBtch is playing this week!
Is there a Chef in the House?

Damn, Helen hated making fried chicken. Too raw, too done, too greasy. The last time she made fried chicken it was just embarrassing and there were witnesses. Bad fried chicken and the bananna pudding that was like soup. Helen just shouldn't make Southern food; she sucks at it. She thinks she'll go to Popeye's instead.


Ima notes: Helen is a chef!

Lydia, at Nothing Rhymes with Lydia... Well, Except That, has started doing 55 Fiction with us, too. Go check out her first 55! I think she's got a real talent for this. I'm also so very excited as I will be meeting Lydia next weekend in Boston when all of TeamGDT gathers to Race for the Cure!


Here's my 55 for this week:
Thank You for Your Support

Designer Jacob Wilson announced today that he has developed the perfect brassiere.

“This bra hides embarrassing nipple erections caused by cold or arousal and eliminates bouncing of breasts by using lightweight, yet strong, structural materials,” he claimed at the press conference.

He was severely beaten by a crowd of angry men immediately after his announcement.


Another note: My 55 today is based on an old joke that I've modified for my Boob Week 55.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Come play! Add your story to the comments or put it on your blog and I'll link to it. It's fun. You'll like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Historical Boob Trivia

Boobs have been celebrated, reviled, revealed, covered, lifted, separated, bound, augmented, reduced, removed, and more. While the entire history of the boob is interesting, I’ll leave further research to you and just give you a few highlights.

Venus is kind of famous for being topless. Sometimes, when I hear the word ‘Venus,’ I admit Bananarama comes to mind but that’s not really my fault. I blame MTV.

The Venus de Milo was my next thought.

I think she lost her right to bear arms somewhere along the way. Poor thing.

According to Wikipedia, “The Venus is not a realistic portrait but rather an idealization of the female figure.” Below is a rather famous Venus figurine, the Venus of Willendorf:

(This image used with permission of the owner, Matthias Kabel. Reuse must include credit to the owner.)

“…idealization of the female figure.”
Would someone please explain to me why the hell am I trying to lose weight? Bring on the tres leches cake!

A Christian saint, Saint Agatha, was said to have had her breasts cut off as one of the tortures she endured. In art, she is often shown carrying her breasts on a platter. She has recently been recognized as the patron saint of breast cancer patients.

Kannagi, in a South Indian Tamil legend, violently removed her breast and used it to curse a city.

Marie Antoinette’s breasts were said to have inspired the shape of champagne glasses.


Janet Jackson’s boobs caused more than a little bit of controversy but, as you can see, she was not the first famous person to suffer a very public wardrobe malfunction.

Sophia Loren's expression kind of makes you believe she wasn't that pleased with Jayne Mansfield's outfit and nipple peep show, doesn't it?

Lastly, rumor has it that laws against women being topless in public are starting to be challenged…successfully! Check out the Wikipedia article on Topfreedom.

Let's Get Serious about Boobs for a Minute

Did you know?

- Ten to fifteen percent of breast cancers are not detected by mammography?

- Men are also at risk for developing breast cancer?

- Having no children, or a first child after age 30, are among some of the risk factors for breast cancer?

- Breast Cancer accounts for 30% of all new cancer cases in women.

- When breast cancer is confined to the breast, the 5-year survival rate is over 95%.

- Breast cancer is the #2 killer of women ages 35 to 54, and approximately 80 percent of those diagnosed with breast cancer have no known risk factors.


Early detection is key. Do a monthly self-exam. Get a yearly clinical exam. Follow your doctor’s guidance on mammograms and other diagnostics tests.


Coming up tomorrow... Boobs in history - surprisingly, not political!

A Poem, a Haiku, and a Limerick Walk into a Blog

( . )( . )
It's BOOB WEEK at The Wordy Bitch. As the Saturday, September 15th deadline for donations approaches, I'm focusing on boobs. In Saving 2nd Base, I gave the details on TeamGDT and what we're trying to do to help find a cure for breast cancer.

Boob poetry seemed a good way to start the week. Enjoy!

Boob Poem
The men I meet are fond of boobs
But I can’t help my jeers,
“What you’re looking at aren’t eyes
And boobs do not have ears!”

Boob Haiku
Boobs change over time.
It’s so completely unfair!
Once round and now long.

Boob Limerick
Boobs used for nursing are pure
Boobs flashed for beads, I’m not sure
Virtue or vice
Boobs sure are nice
Boobs: Why we RACE FOR THE CURE!
*************************************
My goal this week is to entertain as well as fundraise. If you're so inclined, please donate.
Learn more about TeamGDT and bid on auction items.
Order the Team GDT cookbook, Eat for the Cure, directly from the publisher..
( . )( . )

55 Fiction Friday! September 7, 2007

It's time again for 55 Fiction Friday!
Quick explanation: 55 fiction is a very, very short story of exactly 55 words. It needs to have a character, conflict and resolution.

The Wikipedia article on 55 Fiction is here and some great examples are here..

If you'd like to play along, I tell you how at the end of this post.



Here's my 55 for this week:

Limit

Fifty-five, fifty-five. It rang in her head. Why was it so hard? It seemed simple enough. It was simple, right? Fifty-five, fifty-five. No more, no less. Just fifty-five. She pounded her fists in frustration and with an irritated yet resigned sigh turned to look at him.

“Ma’am? Do you know how fast you were going?”


MrWurdi's 55

Knock, Knock! Who's There?

Here's to you, church door knocker.

That's right, you took the time to attend classes about our Lord Savior and now you're spreading the word.

You learned how to knock like a cop with a warrant - demanding attention to your passive message of love.

Pamphlet delivered, name checked off. Next!

It's all about the love.


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Come play! Add your story to the comments or put it on your blog and I'll link to it. It's fun. You'll like it.
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Saving 2nd Base!

Dear Blog Reader,

I am not becoming a professional begger. This is the one major fund-raiser I participate in each year where I ask for cash donations. I will not bombard you with requests for money. I anticipate only having two or three posts before this year's fund-raising deadline so if you aren't interested in donating, please bear with me. I'll have a banner on my page for the next two weeks.

Please consider making a tax deductible donation.

Great strides have been made over the years in the treatment of breast cancer but a cure still doesn’t exist. The Susan G. Komen For The Cure Foundation is a leading force behind cancer research and awareness.

As some of you might know, I’ve been doing Weight Watchers for several years. I started participating on one of the Weight Watchers message boards for tips and support. In 2003, a bunch of my virtual friends from Weight Watchers decided to make an exercise goal of doing the Susan Komen 5K Race for the Cure in Boston. Not only was it a good way to exercise, it was an excellent cause. Many of the people on the message board, including myself, supported the team with donations and encouragement.

The next year, I and nearly 30 other women from all over the country went to Boston to join the original Team GDT. The year I joined, our team raised over $33,000 in donations.

Thanks to some amazing support, we raised almost $40,000 last year, placing 1st in the team rankings, and making Team GDT the nation’s top non-corporate fundraising team for Komen. Since our team began, we have raised over $125,000!

I am calling upon your generosity and support to help us raise as much money as possible to help find a cure. I am honored to wear the names of those you’d like to honor, support or memorialize on my shirt while I participate in the race. When you make your donation, please include those names or enter them in the comments section and I will wear them proudly.

Any amount, big or small, is GREATLY appreciated! So please, as you are willing and able, help me in my mission to create a life where my daughter and granddaughters never have to worry about a lump in their breast. Thank you for your time, support and generous donations! With your help, the fight will continue and a cure will be found!

Because of the public exposure of our team and the nature of the Internet, I prefer to not have my real name on the list. So, if you’d like to make a tax deductible donation, you can click on the link below to access the donation site.

Official Komen Site
After clicking the “Sponsor a Participant” button, type in the following:

First Name: Mz
Last Name: Grinch

There'll be a link to my donation page right below.

Or, you can use this quick link: I Like Boobies or click this banner.


TeamGDT has a website. Click on this banner and you can learn more about the team and bid on auction items.


The team also contributed recipes. An amazing woman on our team compiled those recipes into a beautiful cookbook. You can order the Team GDT cookbook, Eat for the Cure, directly from the publisher. Here's a picture of the front cover:



Much love and thanks in advance,
Ima Wurdibitsch aka MzGrinch aka Too Many Aliases to Mention